Azealia Banks Is Maybe, Probably Dating Jesse Bradford

Apparently, Coachella isn’t just made for posers, it’s also made for lovers: Drake and Madonna, Tyler the Creator and Kendall Jenner’s middle finger, and now, inexplicably, Azealia Banks and the annoying older brother from “Bring It On,” Jesse Bradford. Literally, what?

While this union has been whispered about for some time, the most delightful little gossip blog around, That Grape Juice, has recently brought renewed attention to this bonkers story: Igloo Australia’s nemesis and Rancho Carne High’s creepiest cheerleading fan have been publicly canoodling all over the desert during Coachella, and more importantly, all over the internet, which is the only place your relationship really matters. After all, life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, it’s measured by the moments that earn us the most likes and faves amongst our digital circles.

It all started back in September, when Bradford  randomly tweeted his preference in the modern day War of the Roses (Azalea vs. Azealia, as it were):

The fiery tendrils of young love ignited from a spark to a low flame over the weekend at Coachella, however, when Bradford was spotted stageside at Banks’ set. Banks followed up with two Instagrams of the pair in as many days that were, to use the accurate phrase, pretty fucking adorable, even though Bradford decided to dress like a Jewish guy pretending to be an Amish guy pretending to be Rev Run.

@jessebradford look at this crazy guy A photo posted by Azealia Banks (@azealiabanks) on

Happy People (Don’t Look at my shadow goatee)

A photo posted by Azealia Banks (@azealiabanks) on

So that’s pretty much that. In the court of social media, not only are they betrothed, they also have entered couples counseling, broken up twice, and are maybe headed to the altar for secret nuptials, says a close friend who had no problem selling a story to OK! for a few hundred dollars worth of Pressed Juicery gift cards.

While “Swimfan” might seem like a weird choice in a naked Twister partner, Banks has made her preference for outlier white males (marshmallows, to use her phrase from “Gimme A Chance”) no secret. She told BBC Radio back in 2013 that she preferred to date “old white men” (check, Bradford is 35), and she told Dazed about what she thinks white dudes just do better: “White boys do eat pussy better than everyone else, though, I will say that. Maybe it’s those thin white-boy lips!” (Check, Bradford has negative lips.) [LIES, based on the orgasm I had Sunday, sorry sorry TMI. — Amelia] She also took to Instagram last month in a now-deleted post to talk about why she doesn’t date black men.

So there you have it. Coachella sounds like a nightmare. [That Grape Juice]