Kill It With Fire: FOX Plans To “Reimagine” Rocky Horror For The Small Screen

I am not a snob about many things, but I do have a fervent dislike, in general, for remakes. I hate them, and I think they are stupid. The only thing I am OK with remaking, as a rule, is “A Star Is Born” because remaking that is kind of a tradition and I accept that. I am definitely not OK with the plans to remake “She’s All That” because holy crap, that movie isn’t even that old, and as¬†Freddie Prinze, Jr. noted, it kind of sucks for people who are writing new scripts.

Personally, I feel like unless you are 1000 percent sure that you can make a much better movie than the original, then you should not bother. If you are just remaking something because it was a good movie but people might not watch it because they are weird about watching movies more than ten years old, then you should find something else and they should grow up and stop being babies. Leave things that are already perfect alone!

However, the worst idea I have seen for a remake in a while is the plan to do a “reimagining” of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” for FOX Television. The two-hour special will be produced by Gail Berman of The Jackal Group, and choreographed by Kenny Ortega from the “High School Musical” series. Which is dumb, because there already is choreography. I know, because I was Columbia in a shadow cast back when I was in high school, and I can still do the whole “Hot Patootie” dance if I get drunk enough and can find a fella with strong arms. Obviously, we all know how the Time Warp works.

This is all very incorrect for a number of reasons. First? No Tim Curry. The hell is the point of Rocky Horror without Tim Curry? Tim Curry is everything. Who are they going to replace Tim Curry with? No one, I tell you. No one can replace Tim Curry. Oh god, they’ll probably have Adam Lambert replace Tim Curry, won’t they? Ugh. I mean, he’s fine, but he’s too young for sure. Also, he is not Tim Curry.

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And is Richard O’Brien even involved in this? They can’t do it without Richard O’Brien.

Second! The whole thing about “Rocky Horror” is audience participation! In the theater! At midnight! With call backs and props and a shadow cast! I mean, sure, you can watch it at home, but it is not the ideal setting. Especially when Tim Curry is not involved. The idea of this being someone’s first exposure to “Rocky Horror” is actually making me depressed.

I don’t know. I suppose there is a chance that it will be fun and not terrible depending on who the cast is–Gail Berman was a producer on “Buffy,” so that is encouraging–but I have yet to witness a network television production of a musical without a horrifically disappointing cast. I guess at least I should be thankful that they’re not trying to produce a new movie to actually run in theaters?