This Dildo-Wielding Lunatic Rides My Train, Has My Heart

Of all the horrifying things I have seen take place on the New York City subway system (including but not limited to: a busker licking my neck after I gave him five dollars, a woman openly weeping the entirety of her commute, a woman slapping someone else’s child a year before NBC developed “The Slap,” me weeping openly the entirety of my commute), this might be the apex: a man has been spotted riding the subway in NYC, and joyfully waving a massive dildo in other passengers’ faces.

The intoxicated man was spotted this past weekend by Animal New York’s photographer Aymann Ismail, who reported that the older gentleman, who just loves cock, was visibly intoxicated, and clad head-to-toe in New York Knicks gear. You know, as you do. According to Ismail, the man pulled out the massive dildo and started waving it in people’s faces, pantomimed jerking it off, and repeatedly clenched his buttocks (kegels!!). The weirdest part of all? He would put the dildo back in his bag at each station and momentarily resume composure, only to whip it out again for the new set of passengers each time. Performance art indeed.

This would normally terrify me, since it is my train line, but I am a shut-in on the weekends and plus, this is the most unfettered joy I’ve ever seen on someone’s face before.

[Animal]

[Images via Aymann Ismail/Animal]