Gwyneth Paltrow To Turn Hustler Store Into Private Club For Artsy Rich People Who Don’t Swear

It looks as though Gwyneth “Common Woman” Paltrow has gone Full Paltrow once again! TMZ reports that Her Royal Goopyness has purchased a perfectly nice Hustler store from Larry Flynt and plans to turn it into a fancy private club for insufferable rich people like herself!

Gwyneth plans to turn the spot into an Arts Club, which already has several locations around the world, and she’s a shareholder in the London branch. Apparently, it costs $2000 to join and then there’s a $2000 a year membership fee on top of that. They have a lot of poetry readings and do not allow any swearing. Oh, and I guess you can also play backgammon, as long as you are not betting money on it.

In other words, it is my actual worst nightmare. Like, if I believed in hell, my own personal version of it would be a club run by Gwyneth Paltrow, filled with rich people who think they’re way bohemian or something, and there are poetry readings and I can’t say “fuck” for all of eternity.

Now, you may think that I am opposed to the existence of clubs like this–I am not! In fact, I am heartily in favor of insufferable people keeping to themselves in private clubs. In fact, that part of it is a dream come true! I am starting to consider opening fancy private clubs for all kinds of people who annoy me, thereby getting them to actually pay me to stay out of my face and go somewhere else.

Really! Given this and that whole adult preschool thing, I am starting to think there is some serious money to be made from people I find generally insufferable. Perhaps I shall start like, the “League of People Who Like To Walk Slowly Down The Sidewalk Side By Side When I Am Trying To Get Somewhere” or “The International Association Of Indigo Children Who Don’t Believe In Tipping But Do Believe In Chemtrails” or something and charge crazy membership fees. [TMZ]