Glenn Beck Has Designed Some $170 Jeans To Help You Fulfill Your “God Given Right To Feel Pretty”

Hey ladies! Guess what! Your dream has come true. Finally, wingnut/performance artist Glenn Beck has designed some jeans just for you. Yeah, it’s true. Glenn Beck is now a haute couture fashion designer, just as you’d always hoped. I guess. Maybe.

Apparently, Beck has had a men’s clothing line for some time now–1791 Supply & Co–which we imagine he named for the year in which his views on things were up to date with the times. However, he announced today, in a very long missive on his Facebook page, that he will now be selling jeans for ladies. Because we have, apparently, a god-given right to look pretty.

Today I make good on a decade old promise to myself and my daughters.

Years ago when my oldest daughters were teenagers I would take them to the mall to buy new clothes.

I hated it. But not for the reason one might think.

I don’t mind shopping with women for clothes. I love to see them dress up, try new things and see their eyes light up when they know “this is the one”.

I could join the chorus of men and women who complain they can’t find anything age appropriate or modest for their daughters.

But my trouble was not only that, mine stems from the fact that while growing up my daughter was a dress size SMALLER than America’s most famous model and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe.

God forbid a designer makes anything cool that would fit her! Most American women are shaped like Norma Jean not the 12 year old boy shaped models covering the walls of the ‘cool stores’.

As I wiped the quiet and hidden tears away store after store as she was told, “oh, no, it doesn’t come in that size.” I made myself a promise.

I wasn’t famous or rich at the time, but I vowed if I ever had a chance I would start a fashion line that was cool, hip, and great quality that would come in sizes that would fit my Marilyn.

Today I make good on that promise. 1791 is proud to announce our new line of women’s Denim. We begin with denim jacket and jeans.

They were designed for and tested on all the girls in my life. It has taken us almost two years to get the design just right.

I am proud that finally I can rest knowing any dad who feels the way I do about the most beautiful girl ever born, my daughter, will be able to feel that way when she slips into her favorite jeans, blouse and jacket.

My wife who is a little more like the current runway models and my daughter who is more classic both can wear and love their new 1791s.

I kind of think it is one of those fundamental God given rights. To feel pretty.

Because you are.

As we grow so will our selection and sizes because it is time we celebrate real diversity. After all, God made us different colors, shapes and sizes.

Please check out the beginning of our new line of women’s clothing at and see what the power of a dads love for his daughter can build.

OK. Let me play along for a minute, because the shopgirl in me likes to be helpful. If your daughter is a 12 years old and a size smaller than Marilyn Monroe, she might have needed to stick it out in the kids section for a minute, or stick to leggings or something, because I cannot think of any juniors or misses jeans sizes that run that small. Marilyn Monroe’s waist was about 22/23 inches, and a standard size 0 is 24. Glenn Beck’s line of jeans does not currently come in a size that would be a size smaller than Marilyn Monroe’s size (the 00 is 24 inches)–and as of right now, only go up to a 34 inch waist.

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I don’t know, I kinda feel like if you’re going to intro it like that, you should probably start out with that “full range of sizes.” This is just the standard range of sizes.

That being said! Glenn Beck’s jeans for ladies will cost you about $150-$170, which is, naturally, the amount your average family spends on jeans for a 12 year-old. They are basically just regular looking jeans in the standard range of sizes, so lord knows why he thinks he needed such a sanctimonious intro.