7 Questions With … Megan, In Honor Of The Frisky’s 7th Birthday

It’s our birthday, bitch! This week, The Frisky turned seven years old, and I thought an appropriately navel-gazing way of acknowledging this momentous occasion would be to more formally introduce you to the seven women, including myself, who make up this new era of The Frisky. Over the course of the week — as Stassi Schroeder from “Vanderpump Rules” would say, it’s our birthday and we’ll celebrate it for as long as we want! — they’ll be answering a short little questionnaire I came up with and ordered them to take. I confessed to having the urge to steal; Rebecca shared what it’s like to work for a Pentecostal chiropractor; Robyn admitted she wants to bite a tube of lipstick; Claire promised to one day write about her love of suburbia and musical theater; and Beejoli expressed her desire to do a “Grease” singalong. So what’s Megan’s story?

1. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had (since it’s safe to assume working at The Frisky is the best, do not deny it)?

In San Francisco, I worked as an assistant for a woman who was a professional personal organizer. I don’t even remember what I did, but I would take the bus way the fuck out to the ocean and sit at her kitchen table and help her make labels? It was fine, until she noticed me eating my standard breakfast of a muffin and coffee, and commented, gently enough, I suppose, that I should eat fruit for breakfast and do a workout tape in her living room on my lunch break, because it would help me become healthier. I don’t remember if I quit that job, or if she got rid of me, but yes, being weirdly body-shamed when you’re like 23 and trying to figure out what the fuck you want to do with your life is pretty crappy.

2. Who would you pop culture best friend be? EXPLAIN.

I like to think that Solange and I would get along famously, sitting on the porch of her house in the Bywater in New Orleans, languidly fanning ourselves in the heat and listening to Minnie Ripperton but that’s mostly a fantasy of what my fantasy pop culture friend would be. I think my actual answer is probably Mindy Kaling as my main friend, and Khloe Kardashian for the weekend turn-up.

3. What are the five most random things on your bucket list?

How sad is it that I don’t precisely have a bucket list? Or, if I do, it’s extraordinarily boring. Pay off my student loans. Live alone, again, somehow, without going destitute. Grow my hair out so that it can actually qualify as “mermaid hair.” Become a guest judge on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” The others are so charmingly pedestrian that I don’t think they deserve the space, but it’s stuff like “have good credit.”

4. How much do you hate men? Explain.

Am I fired if I say that I don’t hate men? Honestly. I hate lots of things/people/birds/sloths, but men, for the most part, can stay. Just depends on the man.

5. What secret urge do you get but never act on?

Sometimes, when I’m walking down the street or waiting on a crowded subway platform, and there’s a couple holding hands and walking VERY SLOWLY, creating a backlog of commuters and angry people behind them, like a clog in a persnickety toilet, I want to run up to them and karate chop their hands apart, roaring ‘PLEASE WE ARE ALL TRYING TO GET SOMEWHERE.”

6. What would the people who know you best say are your best and worst personality traits so, ya know, Frisky readers can be prepared?

I am loyal. My sisters say I don’t listen, though I think that’s only partially true. I’m also not the best at speaking up when I should! Working on it.

7. What is your dream blog post that you vow to actually write and publish during your time at The Frisky?

I have a draft of a thing that is basically a subtweet to the worst person I have ever dated, and it is a giant diatribe against the scourge of the male feminist. One day I will let it see the light of day