Artisanal Carnies Hope You’ll Pay For Their 38 Dream Weddings Around The World
Oh, hello! Do you have any spare cash today that you are not using for anything special? Perhaps you would like to donate some of it to this ever-so-whimsical acrobat couple, Cheetah Platt and Rhiann Woodyard. Are they starving? No. Are they dying of cancer? Also no! They just want to like, get married, in like, 38 countries around the world! Because #ROMANCE!
The couple has already crowdfunded much of their wedding plans already, and due to the publicity they have received today, they pretty much have it all taken care of! In exchange for these donations, these artisanal carnies are graciously posting pictures of themselves on Instagram, getting married all around the world. If you hurry, you might even get to be the lucky person to give them $260 to fly to Thailand!
Look, even fellow whimsical person Zooey Deschanel got in on all the fun!
Just look at all those fabulously decorative Africans! Can’t get those at city hall!
Platt, 32, also told People Magazine that while he and Rhiann could afford an “acceptable” wedding, they needed assistance to be able to afford their “perfect” wedding. Also, they just couldn’t decide what kind of wedding they really wanted! An outdoor wedding? An indoor wedding? A daytime wedding? A nighttime wedding? So many, many options for weddings!
So, they decided that they would travel around the world for 83 days and have 38 different weddings! They got ordained themselves so they could perform their own ceremonies (which isn’t actually a real thing you can do I don’t think), but they needed more money from strangers to be able to realize their dream!
Of course, upon their return, they will also have a lovely reception with “tag, relay races, ball pits and more!” which you are also invited to help pay for.
Thankfully, the couple could still afford these lovely diamond rings themselves!
Personally, it has never occurred to me that it might be appropriate to ask complete strangers for money for a thing that was neither an actual charity, an exchange of goods or services, nor an investment of some kind. Certainly not for my own personal happiness! That this precious couple can find so many strangers who are happy to fund their dreams is just so heartwarming. Particularly when you consider that in this country we have 50 million people living below the poverty line, and we think poor people are greedy for wanting to get paid more than the current minimum wage! What a country!
I mean, really! Think of how much fewer starving children we’d have in this country if only their parents would take the “personal responsibility” of creating a whimsical Kickstarter! Just give that kid a ukulele, and watch the money pour in! Maybe we can teach all the homeless veterans how to twirl fire, even! Hey, here in Chicago, instead of lamenting the fact that one of the few remaining mental health clinics was just turned into a “gourmet mac and cheese store,” we can raise money to teach the people who needed that clinic how to make their own gourmet mac and cheese.
If you will excuse me now, I am going to go tear my hair out while hating literally everything in the world and just giving up entirely. Feel free leave me a note about how I hate romance and tear people down for their beautiful dreams in the comments. Hopefully by the time I read them, I will be too far into a bottle of wine to care.