Oklahoma Bans Atheist Marriages In Hopes Of Preventing Gay Ones

Well, it’s looks like my dream of a Rodgers and Hammerstein-themed wedding are officially dashed, because even if I am a girl who cain’t say no, I cain’t say “yes” in the state of Oklahoma*. To marriage, anyway. I’m sure I could say yes to other things in Oklahoma, like, for instance, being taken out in your surry with the fringe on top.

Why? Well, I am an atheist and the Oklahoma state house has just passed a bill that will restrict marriages to “people of faith” and only allow people to get married through churches. Why? Because they figure if they put an end to all marriages that do not occur in churches, they can prevent the gays from getting married, and many a new day will dawn before they do. If the bill is approved by the state senate, atheists and, they imagine, gay people, will only be able to file for “common law” marriage certificates.

Of course, their dastardly plan is unlikely to actually work as well as they think it is. First of all, 160 clergy members in the state have declared their willingness to marry same-sex couples! Second, pretty much anyone can be ordained as a minister in a matter of minutes, through the Universal Life Church, and be able to marry people. Although I’m an atheist, I have been an ordained minister through ULC since sixth grade when I first read Abbie Hoffman’s “Steal This Book.”

SO, it looks as though no matter how hard Oklahoma tries, people will say they’re in love. With gay people and also atheists.


*I am kidding, of course. Oklahoma is a terrible musical and obviously I would not have a Rodgers and Hammerstein-themed wedding. Sondheim, maybe, if I got to sing “When You’re A Jet”–but never Rodgers and Hammerstein.