A Few Emails I Have Received In Error As A Result Of Sharing A Name With 171 Others

Megan Reynolds is not an uncommon name, but sharing the moniker with, at current tally, 171 others in the United States has never caused me much problem. The most frequent identity mixups have occurred over email, and I’m pretty good about shooting back a reply clarifying that they reached the wrong Megan Reynolds. Normally, the people are embarrassed, a little defensive and usually apologetic for sending me their holiday party guest list or their nephew’s arrest record. I’ve learned a lot about the other Megan Reynolds that are out there.

There’s a Megan in Nebraska who got married a couple of years ago and had a kid recently. I still sometimes get promos from David’s Bridal for her, but I’ve done her the favor of unsubscribing, assuming that her marriage is happy and that all is well. There’s a Megan who lives somewhere not too far from where I live in New York — she has an aunt named Sheila whose husband just passed (RIP). There’s a Megan who just received an estimate on making her home more energy efficient. There’s a Megan who lives on the Upper West Side, and is a member of the PTA, whose correspondence gave me a titillating glimpse into the seedy underbelly of the world of contemporary parenting and school committee arrangements. And then there is also a Megan Reynolds who was apparently sleeping with the boyfriend of a woman named Rebecca S. I’ve redacted her last name, so that there’s no mistaking her for one of the other 67 women who share her name but not her creative vocabulary. That Megan Reynolds leads a life that is much more interesting than mine. Here are a few selections from the many, many emails she/I have received:

From: Rebecca S.
To: Megan Reynolds
Subject: (untitled)
Hey bitch this is the dudes girl you been talking to. You should think twice before you wanna be a slut on the internet. My address is [REDACTED] COME AT ME BITCH, OR I WILL FIND YOU. you’re not a robot huh, prove it you fucking cunt.

From: Rebecca S.
To: Megan Reynolds
Subject: (untitled)
You a scared bitch? That’s what you are? all you wanna do is get that pussy fucked girl? Treated.. you a nasty bitch that’s what you are you fuckin ugly bitch fucks with me hoe, lets go think twice before you fucks with men on the internet sweetheart lets be real here dumb ass, i hope you get raped doin this shit and i hope im there to watch!!! Shit might get one of my homies to come rape your little ass can’t wait to watch you squeel like a little fucking pig!!! Hahahah i got you boo, after i get outta work tomorrow i got you bitch fucks with me lets go reply bitch i know your dirty ass is up!!!

From Rebecca S.
To: Megan Reynolds
Subject: (untitled)
I got you though bitch promise you that, i been waiting for this day bitch i got home girls that will kill for me, come on killa you don’t look that strong hunny, but i bet you sure do look cute trying bby girl. You a stupid BITCH and if you think im playing i use to run with 99 SD KILLA bitch on nation i will find you, and i will bitch trust me this ain’t no joke killa i don’t play no games FUCK WITH MY MAN AND I FUCKS WITH YOU THATS MINE NOT YOURS BITCH he run with me ight, he don’t want you he don’t need you you got shit twisted bitch you gonna learn bitch i promise you. Sweet dreams killa ill be coming for you real quick, saw your ads on Craigslist you little hoe lol like i said FUCKS.WITH ME I FUCKS WITH YOU, night night rest that little hoe head of yours

From Rebecca S.
To: Megan Reynolds
Subject: (untitled)
All i need to know if is he still talking to you. That’s all i think i deserve to know that.

I appreciated Rebecca S.’s determination, her bravado, her strongly worded rejoinder against “being a slut on the Internet.” I admired her tenacity. Her last email, plaintive in its simplicity, spoke to me. I was about to respond, telling her that she had been ranting and raving at the the wrong person, but then I received the following:

From: Nick C.
To: Megan Reynolds
Subject: Sorry for the delay
Hey, sorry for the delay. I have been really busy with work and school and just saw it. Sucks about all the nonsense you had to deal with. Let me know what you want to do, when and where, and I will try to accommodate.

How the plot thickens! Sadly, I didn’t have enough evidence to sleuth this out on the internet, nor did I feel it was my place to see if Nick was the man in question, aka Rebecca S.’s boyfriend and the other Megan Reynolds’  but I assumed he probably was. If you’re out there, Rebecca, I’m sorry. Ban men.