Troubling: Cows Are Cold-Blooded Human Killers

Being an Indian who isn’t a vegetarian, despite my religion mandating it, has already put me on the shortlist for “Who’s Getting Gored in the Ass First” when the animals we consume eventually rise up for their day of factory farming reckoning. As it turns out, when that day comes, I am completely fucked, because cows are cold-blooded murderers who kill more humans than sharks do every damn year.

The delightful humans over at science and life blog io9 not only dug up that sharks-versus cows-detail, but also rounded up a host of other facts that all point to one thing: cows are the most terrifying animals in the entire kingdom and I no longer regard them as gentle, cheese-slinging giants. Some of the more terrifying takeaways include:

  • Every year in the United States, 22 Americans are killed by cows, and 75 percent of those attacks are deliberate. Not bulls, who are known to be angry, but cows. Seventeen cows a year decide to just attack people for fun. Think about that the next time you eat non-organic beef.
  • Cows who have had a taste of blood produce the purest cream — which has led some cows to slaughtering baby chicks and kittens. Kittens!!!
  • Kamikaze cows who jump off cliffs exist, and they account for multiple deaths of people who don’t survive 1500-pound livestock raining down upon them. Twenty-eight cows jumped off a cliff in Switzerland in one week.

Cows can kill you even when they’re not attacking you! Cows kill more humans than sharks do! Even Happy Cows who come from California have a little bit of black-and-white blood lust. I don’t know about you, but I’m switching to chicken nuggets immediately and bowing down to our new cow overlords as quickly as possible.


[Image via Flickr]