Babies Should Hate Their Thighs, That’s Normal, LMAO (Not)

Oh, the scent of dumb bullshit in the morning. Today, it’s this adorable onesie from Wrybaby that reads “I hate my thighs” and is presumably targeted at baby girls. Because there’s nothing like parents projecting their own body insecurities and our culture’s unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies onto infants who can’t speak yet, don’t know what thighs are, and are way more concerned about what the fuck that giant person is doing with their face or how that object over there might taste!

It sucks because the rest of Wrybaby’s snapsuits are as adorable and funny as their company name is a clever pun (no seriously, I love a good pun), but this? This isn’t funny. When adult women make self-deprecating jokes about their thighs, they’re not good jokes. It strays into the realm of weird and mildly cruel to make deprecating jokes about a baby’s thighs.

I’m sure no one at Wrybaby was like, “Hey, guys, let’s start girls out early on hating their bodies!” But that’s the end effect, isn’t it? It normalizes the idea that not just adult women, who have been exposed to a body-shaming beauty standard for 20+ years are expected to “hate our thighs,” and not just teenaged women, and not just young girls, but now even babies are expected to be of the mindset that their bodies aren’t good enough.

The text that accompanies the snapsuit reads: “Girl, who doesn’t? Just be your beautiful self! You couldn’t be cuter.” Here’s the things that are wrong with that:

  1. It operates on a baseline assumption that all women hate our thighs and that’s normal.
  2. I don’t hate my thighs! My thighs are huge in proportion to the rest of my body, and they got me through a marathon. Even if I hadn’t, they’re my thighs. They look like my mom’s thighs and my dad’s thighs, because big thighs run on both sides of my family. Inasmuch as that’s the case, my thighs are a part of not only my personal history, but my family’s history, going back generations. The Viponds and Brinks all have giant tree-trunk thighs, and I’m proud to be a Vipond and a Brink. So fuck your thigh-hatred, don’t project that shit on me or on babies.
  3. Babies are definitely cute, and baby cuteness is definitely part of the draw of babies, but why are we talking about their “beauty”? They’re babies, for god’s sake. Are we really judging the way they look?
  4. A huge part of baby cuteness has way more to do with their curiosity and confusion and awe, and watching them exercise their brains and learn, than it has to do with the way they look. That’s why Wrybaby snapsuits that read “Silently judging you” or “No one understands me” or “Newb” are winningly funny: Because they’re statements about that communication gap that make babies so fun (or sometimes not fun, i.e. crying without any apparent reason) to be around.

I mean, it’s gross. I’m not even mad, I’m just skeeved out at the whole thought process behind this onesie. Where’s the petition to get this onesie taken down and replaced with something that’s actually funny? If you have any better baby jokes, feel free to share in the comments — maybe Wrybaby will listen.

[Wrybaby]

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