Baptist Pastor Performs Dramatic Reading Of Katy Perry’s “E.T.”

In the context of some weird speech about how Katy Perry, Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus and–of course–Madonna, were all in cahoots with Satan to turn all of the children into Satan worshipers, Baptist Pastor Charles Lawson of Temple Baptist Church in Knoxville, Tennessee, launched into a dramatic reading of the Katy Perry part of the Katy Perry-Kanye West song “E.T.” in order to prove that it was the work of the devil.

It does not translate well as spoken word poetry. Even in a mellifluous southern accent.

I don’t know. After listening to the song (sorry I am not up on all the Katy Perry) and looking it up on Wikipedia, I kind of feel that if this song were part of a Faustian pact with Satan of some kind, Katy Perry got shafted.

I mean.

You’re so hypnotizing
Could you be the devil?
Could you be an angel?

Your touch magnetizing
Feels like I am floating
Leaves my body glowing

That is not really impressive, lyrically. You know, for Satan. I feel like Satan, the prince of freaking darkness, should be able to come up with something better than that, right? It’s not exactly Shakespeare. Plus it took four people to write that and they then had to autotune her afterwards. Don’t you think if you were making a pact with Satan–in which you not only had to later burn in hell for all eternity, but also had to go around recruiting the younger generation to worship him, that–at the very least–you would want to be able to write and sing songs by yourself?

[Christian Nightmares]