Guess Which State Has The Most Valuable Testicles?

You may not know this, but the amount of compensation you receive for losing a body part on the job varies depending on what state you’re in. A recent report from ProPublica has published all the data on which body parts are worth more to lose where, and it’s pretty fascinating.

For instance, if we were all to somehow lose our hands in a tragic blogging accident, Rebecca and I would get $235,590 in the state of Illinois (we both live and work in Chicago), whereas the ladies of The Frisky’s New York office would only get $197,311. But, if we were to live in Minnesota, we’d only get $89,100, and if we lived in Kentucky, we’d each get a whopping $402,277. In fact, in Kentucky, the loss of even just a thumb is worth nearly the same as a New York hand at $195,670.

Of course–the most important question for our purposes, since we’re perverts–is which state has the most valuable balls.

The answer? Illinois! Lucky me, huh? A lost testicle in the state of Illinois is valued at $73,537. And that’s just one. Right now, here, at this coffee shop, I am possibly surrounded by over a million dollars in balls. The average American ball is worth only a measly $27,678. Hell, shabby Minnesota balls are worth only $3,750. Nowhere near the value and quality one gets with Chicago balls, that’s for sure. Premium balls, we’ve got here people. The best in the land! No one can compete!

So, congratulations to the men of Illinois, and their high-quality, luxury testicles. We knew you could do it!

[ProPublica]

[Chicago Sun-Times]