Mommie Dearest: If Girl Scout Cookies Are The Devil’s Dessert, We’ll Take Seconds

Every year like clockwork, hordes of little girls flock to the streets, ringing doorbells, setting up stands, and tempting folks to buy their tasty, tasty cookies. And everyone loves a Girl Scout cookie, right? Sure we can debate for hours the merits of Thin Mints vs. Samoas (frozen Thin Mints FTW!), and wonder why they even still bother making the oatmeal raisin cookie that basically tastes like a dog biscuit. But the truth is, Girl Scout cookies rock, they are damn delicious, and who doesn’t like supporting a bunch of girls who are trying to earn merit badges and do good things?

Apparently, a whole bunch of folks. Because, along with the annual cookie drive comes the vocal anti-Girl Scout contingency, who spread their cookie hate far and wide. I wrote about these anti-deliciousness crusaders a few years ago when they first started making waves. Helmed by a group calling themselves the “Honest Girl Scouts,” (a group and website which now seems to be defunct by the way), the charges against the actual Girl Scouts and their cookies were all sorts of ridiculous. The group claimed that Girl Scout cookies promoted abortions and LGBT agendas, introduced girls to the concept of “sexual rights,” supported the UN’s anti-population goals, and more. They called for a cookie boycott, which in the end didn’t really do much beyond causing people to buy even more cookies, so job well done Honest Girl Scouts.

This year, there’s a new crop of folks who want to crush all of your cookie dreams. My Girl Scout Council has taken up where Honest Girl Scouts left off. They’ve created a flier warning of the possible repercussions buying Girl Scout Cookies may have. Again, they are doubling down on the connection between Girl Scouts and abortion. Here’s the thing. I was a Girl Scout. Granted it was back in the day, but I don’t remember earning my abortion merit badge. I earned a bunch in community service, knot tying, animal grooming, cooking, and — of course — cookie selling, but never once did I learn about birth control or abortion.

This is what I remember learning about as a Girl Scout: I learned how to speak up for myself and trust in myself. I learned how to be independent as well as how to work cohesively as a group. I learned how to make some pretty impressive crafts out of popsicle sticks and pom poms. I learned that girls are just as brave, smart, and capable as boys. And I learned that the cookies we sold were damn tasty.

If I had a daughter and she wanted to join the Girl Scouts, I would have no issue, despite the fact that they support and promote role models like “Nancy Pelosi, Kathleen Sebelius, Wendy Davis, and Elizabeth Warren among many others,” according to My Girl Scout Council. In fact, these women are actually selling points for me. The website also notes that the Girl Scout’s official curriculum includes information on women like Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, Geraldine Ferraro, and Hillary Clinton. And while it would be awesome to see a bit more diversity, I again applaud the Girl Scouts for including so many strong women in leadership roles as people to look up to. As it stands, I have a son, but there is no way he will be joining the Boy Scouts (beyond the fact that they prize popcorn over cookies, they also have a history of being homophobic, and ain’t nobody got time for that nonsense).

There will also be a group like My Girl Scout Council or Honest Girl Scouts that will try to tie a shaky link between a scouting troop for young girls and organizations like Planned Parenthood that provide well-woman care (and yes, contraception and abortion care). And yes, they’ll try and convince you that the reasonable response is to shun Tag-a-longs, Do-Si-Doh’s, and Thin Mints, as if that will really do anything. To that I say, let them live their cookie-free lives. And, to offset any potential negative impact from the boycotts, I’ll make sure to buy a few extra boxes this year.