An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 9! The Women Tell All)

Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.

The “Women Tell All” is always a favorite of mine, because there are always epic cat fights, the Bachelor is forced to answer for his douchebaggery, everyone gets egregiously spray-tanned and we get a gander at which rejected women are campaigning hard to be the next “Bachelorette.” I’m pretty sure that ABC is not going to want Becca or Whitney to headline their next debacle, and after last night’s episode, I’d expect one of the four ladies above to be giving out roses next season. (Okay, maybe Ashley S. is just wishful thinking — and I’d rather she be on ‘Bachelor in Paradise” anyway.) So which would be your ideal ‘Bachelorette”? This flowchart will help you figure it out…

flowchart-next-bachelorette