The First Still From The “Jem” Movie Is Less Than Truly Outrageous

With every new detail leaked about the upcoming Jem movie, I become more and more sure that watching it will actually send me into a spinning rage from which I may never recover.

For instance, in this photo, blown up from a tiny still that appeared in Elle’s March issue, JEM’S HAIR IS ALL KINDS OF INCORRECT.

I’m sorry., but Jem cannot have flat hair. Otherwise, what even is the difference between Jem and Jerrica? JERRICA’S hair is flat and sensible–because she has an orphanage to run. JEM’s hair is light pink with silver tinsel in it, as per the doll I had, and is very large. If Jem has regular flat blonde hair, everyone is just going to know she’s Jerrica. This is a terrible disguise.

I mean. Original Recipe Jem wasn’t that good of a disguise either, and I always found it really hard to believe that Rio never caught on to the fact that Jem and Jerrica were the same person with the exact same face when he was ostensibly romantically linked to both of them, but this is just silly. I mean. At least in original Jem we could believe that Rio was just tricked by Synergy’s hologram inducing powers, but in this one there aren’t even holograms or magic hologram earrings. WTF?

Also, Aja is supposed to have blue hair, and Kimber’s hair is supposed to be red. Which it might be, I can’t tell by the lighting. I have a feeling it is not though.

I am still holding out for a Christy Marx produced Jem movie, which would clearly be way better.