Cancer Is a Fungus That Can Be Cured With Baking Soda, Says Nevada Lawmaker

HEY! Good news cancer patients! All that chemo and medical treatment is for naught — turns out, cancer is just like, a fungus, and can be flushed right out of you with some good old fashioned baking soda. Just like your oven or your drain! Or a volcano in a school science project!

This is according to Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore (R-Area 51?), who is not just a state lawmaker, but also, swear to god, the CEO of a healthcare company, who gleefully explained this fascinating theory on her radio show last Saturday.

Salon reports:

She was announcing her intention to introduce a bill that would give terminally ill patients access to treatments that haven’t been approved by the FDA. These so-called “right to try” measures have already passed in five states and have been the subject of some contentious debate – which usually at least starts from an at least slight more informed place than where Fiore’s coming from.

Here’s what she told listeners: “If you have cancer, which I believe is a fungus, and we can put a PICC line into your body and we’re flushing, let’s say, salt water, sodium cardonate [she probably meant sodium bicarbonate, also known as baking soda], through that line, and flushing out the fungus… These are some procedures that are not FDA-approved in America that are very inexpensive, cost-effective…”

In other news, I have just realized that I am totally qualified to be the CEO of a healthcare company. If not overqualified. [OMG me too! — Ael

Salon does an amazing job of explaining why Fiore is incorrect on this matter. I’m not going to bother. Because holy crap, if you think cancer is a fungus that can be cured with baking soda, I don’t even know what you’re doing here. I don’t know how I can help you. You are a lost cause. But hey! Don’t feel glum, because apparently, even if you believe that cancer is a fungus that can be cured with baking soda, you can still be an elected official in our U.S. government. For that is the beauty of Democracy.