Yes, Please, Let E.L. James Write (And Tank) The Next “Fifty Shades” Movies

So apparently, on top of the fact that conflicts with Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James pushed director Sam Taylor-Johnson to the point that she felt like she never wanted to make another movie again, James now also wants to write the script for the next movie.

Oh, hallelujah!

Here’s the thing: The movie is only bearable to watch — and, for those of us who give a shit about things like the quality of a movie’s plot and character development and general artfulness, only barely bearable to watch — because the movie’s screenwriter, Kelly Marcel, is simply a good writer, which E.L. James is quantifiably not. The dialogue wasn’t baffling and unnatural, and there was, blessedly, no talk of an “inner goddess.” [And dare I say not even a single “OH MY!”? — Amelia]

Just as a side note — Fifty Shades fans: Please do not fight anyone who says that Fifty Shades is poorly-written. There’s such a thing as style guides that assist people in understanding what makes for good, clear, convincing prose that communicates ideas well. It is possible to evaluate good versus bad writing, and there is almost nothing redeeming about E.L. James’ work. That being said, I understand why people read it, because I’ve read plenty of shitty erotica, myself, and overlooked how poorly it was written, because I wasn’t reading it to enjoy the story.

But we’re talking about major-release, feature-length films, here, that will be played in every cinema that can get their hands on it. Focus Features didn’t buy the rights because they wanted to make pornography with a storyline and character development that didn’t matter; it’s supposed to be an engaging narrative, and E.L. James writing the sequels will strip everything out of the films that actually worked in the first installment. Which is great, because that means that the sequels will be so unwatchable that they’ll tank.

So, please, Focus Features, let E.L. James write the script! I can’t wait to see the movies… in the bargain DVD bin at K-Mart, five years from now.



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