If Assholes Won’t Stop Caring About Cellulite, Women Will Just Have To Do It For Them
Iggy Azalea is quitting Twitter, and normally I wouldn’t care, but this tweet really got me:
Just got back from a great vacation, came online and saw apparently it’s shocking and unheard of to be a woman and have cellulite. Lol.
— IGGY AZALEA (@IGGYAZALEA) February 19, 2015
I never thought I’d say this, but: Iggy Azalea, I feel you.
Last July I was profiled on an MRA blog. The blog post itself wasn’t too bad — it was a string of nonsense — but what bothered me was the comments, which were also strings of nonsense, but strings of nonsense that made up a false narrative of my life, condemned me basically for exercising free will, and equated the shape and appearance of my body with my moral or human worth. A few of them fixated on my cellulite, in particular, after having seen self-portraits I’d taken, like this or this or this, in which the cellulite on my legs was visible. To wit:
Just to state this at the outset: I know that some dick-cheese out there is gonna be like “Boo fat acceptance, fatty! Fat people are terrible! You’re just not fit! You don’t care about your body and fat acceptance is your excuse to be lazy!” This dick-cheese, of course, spends way less time at the gym than I do, and probably gets his most significant exercise jacking off. But to be honest, je m’en fous. Fat acceptance is not the point, here. The point is fucking medical science.
Cellulite is fat deposits under the skin that cause bumps in skin texture. That being the case, I guess some dudes believe that it would be impossible for a very thin and fit woman, who spends a lot of time honoring her body, to have cellulite. Hey-oh, that’s wrong: Cellulite can be caused by many things, including hormonal factors, genetic factors, and wearing underwear that contain tight elastic bands. Once you have cellulite, there is no guaranteed way to get rid of it – so even if it’s caused by lifestyle factors like diet, lack of exercise, or smoking, doing things like changing your diet, exercising a lot, and quitting smoking could get your body fat percentage down and you would still have cellulite. So there are some women who have high body fat percentages who have perfectly smooth skin, and some women who have very low body fat percentages who have cellulite. It’s the miracle of biological diversity!
In my experience, of course, dick-cheeses know little to nothing about science and prefer to make assumptions about what is proveable or factual based on their limited experience and worldview. And so we live in a world in which a woman asks Reddit if guys care about cellulite or not, and the question garners answers like these:
“If you have cellulite, don’t except my cell number, you can be pretty heavy and not have cellulite, but if you do have it, you’re typically a pretty high body %, not only is it physically unattractive, but it also means you don’t care about your health much as it is a clear visible sign of your weight problem.
Inb4 i’m a fat shamer, fat pride, its a medical condition, some people can’t control it (good for those 0.00001%), real women are curvy (not lumpy)
Source: Was obese WoW gamer”
“I think what Skaffer is trying to say (for you twats downvoting him for answering the fucking question) is that for him and other men who think this way, indicate that the person doesn’t really care for their body. This can be a turn off for men, not because of cellulite, because we associate it with the person being lazy and just not taking care of themselves”
Like, OK, my response to that is Stop associating it with the person being lazy and not taking care of themselves, because that is a demonstrably false association. Pressing on believing it in spite of medical research to the contrary just demonstrates that you are willfully ignorant. And well beyond the fact that it takes such massive self-aggrandizement to assume that as a default, every chick wants your number, well, if you’re the kind of person who has too little intellectual curiosity to even do a quick Google search on a subject you apparently feel strongly about, don’t expect my number. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Granted, there are many men — a majority of men, I think — who really couldn’t care less. The problem is that women do care, if that Redditor or the Cosmo post she referenced or pearl-clutching tabloid articles about Iggy Azalea’s cellulite or the existence of airbrushing are any indication, and I suspect that we care based on the opinions of men who say things like — as some of the less vitriolic Reddit responses read — “No just no” or “It can be pretty gross,” or, worse, who equate “unattractive cellulite” with “heavily obliterated honor,” as my beloved trolls did.
We, women, have to stop caring. We have to be the sane and rational people who no longer ask or wonder if men care about cellulite, because whether or not men care about cellulite is such a petty concern, in this finite amount of time we have to make the world a better place; because knowing or caring whether or not they care does not make us happier and does not improve our lives. We have to be the people who spend our time on better mental pursuits than postulating relationships between cellulite and worth. I mean, even just typing out the last few sentences exhausts my patience for this whole issue. It’s just so petty and small-minded and dumb.
So are we ready to retire this now? Can Iggy Azalea just go to the goddamn beach? Can I take occasional photos that show my legs? Wait, no, I already know the answers to those questions, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
[Edited image via Shutterstock]
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