Woman Fatally Shoots Self In Face While Adjusting Bra Holster

This past New Year’s Day, 55-year old Christina Bond, who had been recently elected as a Republican precinct delegate for St. Joseph Charter Township Precinct 1 in Michigan, was declared dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

On Wednesday, St. Joseph’s public safety officials revealed the actual manner of her death–she shot herself in the face by accident while trying to get comfortable in her bra holster. Which, my opposition to guns aside, seems like the least comfortable thing on earth.

Bond’s obituary describes her as being “on FIRE for the LORD” and her Facebook page indicates interests in running over Ferguson protestors in SUVs, being really mad about Obama being president and the humor of President Ronald Reagan.

I’m gonna be an asshole for a moment, because this is the way I really feel. I’m not happy about Christina Bond dying. I’m not happy about anyone dying. But, you know, I read these stories all the time about children being accidentally killed by guns left out by parents, or about innocent, non-gun toting people being accidentally killed by firearms, and my feeling is this: better Christina Bond than one of them.

I’m sorry. This is what people like Christina Bond basically advocate for. This is what they want. This is their idea of freedom. They’re mad at people like me for wanting to take that “freedom” away because we don’t want anyone getting their heads accidentally blown off. To boot, Bond posted not one, but two things on her page about how funny and totally OK it is to run over people protesting the Ferguson verdict. I don’t believe in karma, but if I did, I might use this as an example.

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You know, one of the things I like about the mob (yes, I just began a sentence that way) is that for the most part, they do not go around killing people who have not signed on with them. If you don’t join the mob, if you don’t do business with the mob, or like, seriously fuck with the mob, odds are the mob will leave you alone.

If gun toting assholes just accidentally killed themselves and each other, I would be fine with that. If I didn’t have to worry that I would be the one with my head blown off because some lady’s bra holster was itchy that day, I wouldn’t care. If pro-gun people were the only ones affected by gun violence, then I would feel like none of this would even be any of my business. But that’s not the case. It could have been someone else who hadn’t signed on for that shit. And that’s why I’m glad it was Christina Bond and not them. Sorry.