An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 7! A Final Four “Bachelor” Baby!)

Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.

On Sunday night — part one of this week’s two-episode, six-hour extravaganza — Carly and assumed frontrunner Britt were sent packing leaving Chris with his final four: Becca, Jade, Whitney and Kaitlyn. And on last night’s episode, he visited their hometowns and got some first-person insight into who these ladies really are. Such insights included: 1) Becca is maybe asexual (and definitely a virgin, though he only suspects that for now); 2) Jade is a “free-spirit” who spread her legs and showed off her vagine in Playboy, and 3) Whitney  is really comfortable with handling sperm. Actually, throw Kaitlyn into the mix and you’ve actually got all you need to make a “Bachelor” baby without any banging in the fantasy suite.