3 Last Minute Valentine’s Day Plans For Those Who Walk Alone

Being single is awesome, because it means you can leave a bar whenever you want, and you don’t have to wait for someone to get home to start eating the dinner you just made. Being single on Valentine’s Day when all of your friends are in healthy relationships is a little less awesome. While they’re at fancy restaurants or having disappointing, weekday sex this weekend, here’s some shit you could be doing that is probably better.

ForeverAlone Special
What You Need: a bottle of wine, an empty house, no pants
Your roommates are probably all at crowded restaurants with their intendeds, so this is your one night to pretend like you live completely alone. Hide in your room until you hear the door close for the last time and emerge, like a bear crawling slowly out of hibernation. Revel in the fact that you are alone, that there is no one else in the house, and that you will be able to do whatever you want. Drink the wine sans pants and fall asleep doing that thing where you hold your boob in your hand for comfort, not for pleasure.
What You Need: TurboTax, a W-2, money
No time like the present to get a jumpstart on your taxes, and if you are a crazy person who plans vacations around the appropriate timing of receiving their tax refunds, sit down and do your taxes. It will take you, like, a half hour, tops. Make a plan for all the money you’re going to get and book a trip to New Orleans. Jazzfest, here you come.
What You Need: 1 pot brownie, 1 couch, 1 internet connection
Seeing movies alone is something we all need to do way more often, but I understand that seeing the world’s most romantic movie (LOLOLOL) on the world’s most “romantic” “day” is a lot. So! Eat a pot brownie, get some popcorn and find an illegal stream of this somewhere on the internet and watch it form the comfort of your own couch.