You Can Now Appoint Someone To Manage Your Facebook When You Die
Planning for our eventual demise is never a fun thing. I don’t know if I know anyone who has gotten around to getting a will together yet. I certainly haven’t. I mean, it’s not like I have much in the way of actual property. I’m probably not going to spend an afternoon detailing who gets my original “Welcome Back, Kotter” lunchbox or the TV I have that’s so old even Salvo won’t take it. As of right now, everything just automatically going to my parents, my sister and the student loan people is fine with me.
However, despite my meager personal possessions, I am pretty active online. Now, I suppose, for people like me, Facebook is now offering you more options in terms of figuring out what you want done with your profile when you die. Now, you can either delete it…or put someone else in charge.
Beginning in the U.S., Facebook users can now pick a “legacy contact” to post on their page after they die, respond to new friend requests and update their profile picture and cover photo. Users can also have their accounts deleted after their death, which was not possible before.
If you want someone to manage your account after you die, click on the upside-down triangle on the top right corner of your page and find “security settings.” For U.S. users there will be an option to edit your legacy contact, who must be a Facebook user. But you don’t have to pick someone else to manage your account. You can also check a box to permanently delete your account when you die.
The person you choose to manage your account won’t be notified of your choice until your Facebook account is memorialized. But you can choose to send them a message right away.
I, personally, will try to find someone who will not so much “memorialize” me, or tell everyone how special I was, or how my smile lit up a room, or what have you.
What I want is someone to haunt my enemies for me. Like, just fuck with them. Like a post every so often. Send them the occasional “I know what you did last summer” and “I’m watching your every move” and “I saw you in the shower this morning, you might want to get that mole checked out” messages.
I would also like them to mess with my friends and family from time to time, just to make sure they are mourning appropriately. I want nothing less than full-on Italian widow from every one of them.
I mean, the real downside to atheism is that you don’t get to look forward to messing with people after you’re dead. For me, that would really be the only upside to an eternal life. With this Facebook option, I will be able to haunt the people I love (and hate), perhaps for all eternity. And I like it!