Taylor Swift Buys “ITaughtTaylorSwiftHowToGiveHead.com”

Earlier this week, there was a bit of a kerfuffle going on with Taylor Swift and her old guitar teacher, who had registered the domain name ITaughtTaylorSwift.com.

Her people sent him a letter demanding he take it down, because it “incorporates the famous Taylor Swift trademark in its entirety and suggests TAS’s sponsorship or endorsement of your website. The Domain Name and your use of the Domain Name are also highly likely to dilute, and to tarnish, the famous Taylor Swift trademark.”

He’s refusing, despite all the crazy ass Swifties who have been sending him hate mail, because they’re mad that he’s disputing her magical origin story.

“When I was about 12 this magical twist of fate (happened). I was doing my homework [when the tech fixing my computer] looked over and saw the guitar in the corner. And he said, ‘Do you play guitar?’ I said, ‘Oh. No. I tried, but ….’ He said ‘Do you want me to teach you a few chords?’ and I said, ‘Uh, yeah. YES!'”

And then she emerged, fully grown, from Zeus’s neck. Or not. Apparently, although he does do computer repair work, he didn’t start doing that until later and her parents just hired him like one would a normal guitar teacher.

Aaaaaanyway, due to all that madness, Team TaySwift is now just buying up every conceivable Taylor Swift-related domain name.

Including, apparently, ITaughtTaylorSwiftHowToGiveHead.com.

Can you even imagine being the person whose job it is to come up with these things? Like, literally having to come up with any and all possible variations of Taylor Swift websites? Including considering the possibility that the person who taught Taylor Swift to give a blow job might consider setting up shop also?

I mean, honestly. How many people do you think they have on that? I’m figuring it’s like, five people and they sit around all day, in a hidden underground bunker somewhere, coming up with ways to protect Taylor Swift’s sacred personal brand. Sure, some days it’s just buying up every conceivable domain name involving the name Taylor Swift, but other days it’s just trademarking literally every word Taylor Swift has ever uttered, from “This Sick Beat” to “Nice to meet you, where’ve you been,” to “Would you mind passing the salt?” Ok, only two of those are real Taylor Swift trademarks as of right now, but soon we will all have to just say goodbye to the English language and pick up Esperanto or something to avoid stepping on Miss Swift’s delicate toes.

However! They have yet to start trademarking anagrams of Taylor Swift’s name, which is why I am naming my new laxative brand “Sit, Fart, Yowl!” changing my stage name to LaFrosty Wit (OR LaFrowsy Tit, haven’t decided)  and starting a band called “Satyr of Wilt.”