Hitched 2.0: 11 Songs I Vow Not To Play At My Wedding

Little known fact: There are other important wedding-related vows to make, aside from the ones said while standing at the altar. Things like “I vow not to be an asshole bridezilla” and “I vow to make it in the photo booth at least three times.” And then there are vows made in the best interest of the guests. I know it’s our wedding and all, but we want everyone there to have a blast—and a big part of making that happen comes down to the music and the dance floor. So, in an effort to make our wedding one of the best nights ever for everyone involved, I vow to blacklist these songs from the playlist.

1. “Jump, Jive An’ Wail” by The Brian Setzer Orchestra

Unless all of the guests, including myself, are secretly expert swing dancers, this song just will not work. It’s an entertaining enough song to hear once every 10 years or so, but there’s no need for 100-some people to be crowded on a dance floor, frantically attempting swing moves that look more like all limbs are displaying symptoms of Tourette syndrome.

2. “Macarena” by Los Del Rio

Or any line dance, for that matter. That means no“Cha Cha Slide,” no “Electric Slide”…no slide of any sort. And don’t think more “contemporary” organized dance songs will make it on the playlist. If you’re one of my wedding guests, you can stop brushing up on your “Wobble” skills now.

3. “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers

This is a beautiful song, really. But it’s also primarily associated with the highly sensual pottery scene in “Ghost,” and I guarantee if it plays at the wedding, that’s where nearly everyone’s mind will go. Awkward. And, while we’re on the topic of great songs from sexy Patrick Swayze scenes, let’s ban “These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding as well.

4. “Amazed” by Lonestar

We’re talking about a wedding, not a high school dance, so … no.

5. “Celebration” by Kool & The Gang

Ugh, we get it, our wedding is something to celebrate. We don’t need a terribly cliché song to tell us as much.

6. “I Gotta Feeling” by The Black Eyed Peas

Why, oh why, has this become the anthem for any sort of night out ever? I don’t care if Fergie and friends think my wedding is going to be a good night. I know it’s going to be a good night, and their insanely overplayed song will only take away from that.

7. “Love Shack” by the B-52s

I don’t totally hate “Love Shack,” and I can stand listening it to it from time to time, but … meh. Aside from the fact that it is just so typical to play at a wedding, it’s ridiculously repetitive. There’s only so long I can bounce around to that beat; I’d say 30 seconds is my cutoff.

8. “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge

Why? Just … why?

9. “Get Low” by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz

I’m open-minded, but I can’t deal with the lyrics “sweat drop down my balls” playing at my wedding. The same goes for any of the other inappropriate club songs we used to dance (terribly) to in college. These are not for a mixed crowd, people.

10. “Single Ladies” by Beyonce

I know what some of you are thinking: “How dare she ban a song by the great Queen Bey?” I love Beyonce as much as the next girl, and I don’t hate “Single Ladies.” It tends to be a popular choice for the bouquet toss at weddings. But, my God, if you’re lined up for the bouquet toss, you know you’re single; you don’t need Bey to tell you. I simply won’t subject my female guests to an overplayed, terribly cliché song.

11. “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” by C & C Music Factory

Jock Jams tracks and my wedding are mutually exclusive.