An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 5! Crazy Widows, Grooming Habits & A Bonus GIF!)

Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.

Uh, last night’s episode of “The Bachelor” was maybe one of the best I’ve seen. For once, when Chris Harrison said this was an episode “you won’t want to miss,” he wasn’t fucking bullshitting. It was so good, I was compelled to make, like, 10 infographics to recap it, but you’ll have to settle for two, plus a bonus GIF. Above, all you need to know about frontrunner Britt and her perplexing “Bachelor” grooming habits. And after the jump, the essential elements of Kelsey’s Storybook Love Story. Oh, and a GIF that gives you just a taste of Chris and Carly’s totally cringe-worthy “love guru” date.