John Oliver’s Fake “Fifty Shades” Audition Is Way Sexier Than The Real Thing, I Imagine

While we still have to wait until February to get “Last Week Tonight” back, John Oliver has a made a habit of popping by the YouTube every so often in order to keep us from going into full withdrawal. And to give us something quick to post on a Monday morning before we are fully ready to start saying anything particularly clever or smart.

Anyway, this week, Oliver came on to “apologize” for starting a #NotMyChristian hashtag, protesting the casting of Jaime Dornan as Christian Grey in the upcoming “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie, which he acknowledges may have been taken the wrong way.

What Oliver says he wants to protest, in actuality, is the casting of an actor “who specializes in handsome,” to play the epitome of male beauty, and not even bothering to ask John Oliver if he would like to audition.

“Sure, you pass me over for the the epitome of male beauty, but whenever you need a Caucasian foreigner or cheerful weakling suddenly my phone is blowing up,” said Oliver.

The irony here–for me, at least–is that I personally find John Oliver 10,000 times more attractive than Jaime Dornan. And this is not just to be oppositional, or because I think he’s hilarious (which is, you know, total ladybonerville, obviously). I’m also super in love with Elvis Costello, Louis Theroux and Jeff Goldblum. Jaime Dornan does nothing for me. I feel like he has a head like a newborn baby wearing a wig.

I’m sure he’s a very nice person and all, but none for me, thanks!

I can tell you right now, that I would be far more likely to unironically watch “Fifty Shades” if it were just John Oliver talking about ’90s teen movies the whole time. [Last Week Tonight]