The Hottest New Trend In Menswear Is Visible Dick

Kanye may be adorning his lady in the finest merkins ermines can sacrifice their lives for, but men will be sporting no such genitalia luxury this year. Spotted last night on the runway of Rick Owen’s show at Paris Fashion Week was the hottest (god willing) new trend in menswear: flopping, ever-present dick. (Click here to see an even more NSFW image than the one above.)

According to The Cut, “2015 is shaping up to be about the bulge in fashion land,” and Owens took it one step further. The Cut’s William Van Meter reports that the avant garde fashion line started the show traditionally, before veering into religious tribal robes that let it all truly hang out — “it” being three penises “visible and flopping around.” One penis wasn’t shy at all (above — keep staring and you’ll seeeeeee), while the other two were only partially concealed by strategic peepholes, allowing for the ever coveted “Do we have six more weeks of winter?” groundhog look that screams high fashion. But were the unexpected penises in bad taste? Nay! They were religious. Says Van Meter, “This actually heightened the religiosity aspect. It wasn’t done in bad taste, but it was mysterious, like sending out bold fertility gods.”

Call me heteronormative, but seeing a wrinkled sack fluttering gently under another, larger Rick Owens fluttering sack does not sound like a men’s fashion trend I would be thrilled to see around the workplace. Please, tuck it in. It’s cold out there. [The Cut]