A Few Theories On Why Kylie Jenner Dropped Out Of Home School

Youngest Kardashian-Jenner kid and teal-haired unicorn Kylie Jenner has dropped out of home school in order to focus on building her personal brand and making money, according to reports by Radar. This move was allegedly supported by Mom of The Year Kris Jenner, who firmly believes each of her babies is destined to be a star. Kylie, by the way, is, like, 17. She has maybe one year of home school left. Maybe even just half a semester. All she has to do is scrape by and get her diploma and then she’s free to do whatever it is her little heart desires! But, I can’t be mad at anybody with ambition, even if that ambition means they read a lot less books. Here’s what I’m thinking went through her head.

Whether you like it or not, the Kardashians are going to be around for a very, very long time. Kim will either age well, like a round of cheese left somewhere dank in the Loire Valley, or age very poorly, and have to be shuffled back off to the guest house in Calabasas where she will spend her dotage texting North and indulging in the cache of Planter’s Cheese Balls that she stored away for the very moment her beauty fades. Kris, ever the thinker, and never NOT thinking of the bottom line, kreated Kylie and Kendall to karry on the Kardashian tradition.

Kendall — she’s the model who just scored her third Vogue spread — is actually doing okay. Kylie has fallen to the bottom of the heap, sister-wise. Dropping out of school is her power move. She will either ascend to her rightful place on the throne, krawling over the korpses of her sisters as the petals of their beauty fall one by one. Or, more likely,   Kylie is just trying to get her face out there so she can earn some money and get the fuck out from under Kris Jenner’s squoval-nailed grip. Once liberated, she will retire with piles of cash to the hideaway in St. Maarten that she’s been quietly investing in and live her life the way she wants to live it. “I am finally free,” she will whisper, gazing over the aquamarine waters and sugar sand beaches. “I am finally free.” Then and only then, will she finally, maybe, if she feels like it, complete her Calculus and Chemistry requirements and snatch that diploma.

Or, alternatively, she’s going to spend a lot more time at Tyga’s house, watching movies and ignoring her mom’s texts. Whatever. I support you in whatever you want to do, girl! [Radar]

[Image via FameFlyNet]