New Kids On The Block, TLC And Nelly Are Going On Tour Because Decades Mean Nothing
You’re going to want to mark down today’s date now, because we’ve achieved a historical moment in drop-crotch history: New Kids on the Block, TLC, and Nelly are going on tour together.
All five members of the boy band of record and TLC’s T-Boz and Chilli showed up on “Good Morning America” today to announce that they’d be taking to the road with the band-aid wearing rapper this summer for their “The Main Event” tour, and as preposterous as this sounds, it is also the best idea in the history of ever. As Donnie Wahlberg put it, the tour will be “the most elaborate thing” NKOTB has ever done, adding, “We’ve built bar seats around the stage so our fans can literally sit right on the stage and converse with us and we can share their snacks and drinks if we want to,” because OF COURSE THEY HAVE. What else were Danny, Donnie, Joey, Jon and Jordan’s lives preparing for, if not a multi-city tour where they could imbibe on stage with their ’80s fans, who are definitely now old enough to be tossing back Madison Square Garden house chardonnay with aplomb before having to get home to tuck their kids in?
According to Wahlberg, TLC is the greatest girl band of all time, and if you’ve ever had to wrestle the microphone away from me after 1 a.m. at a karaoke bar, you’d know I agree wholeheartedly. (Also joke’s on you because I can do all three sets of vocals (RIP Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopes, you were too beautiful for this earth) in my sleep provided you don’t cut me off before my sixth rum and coke prior to performance.) I can only assume that NKOTB — who I’m sure has taken on the father-figure role on this tour given the fact that they’ve been sagging their Levi’s for money the longest — harbors similar “best musician ever” hyperbole for Nelly’s rap skills, because, well, he once rapped about Vanna White.
Tickets for “The Main Event” go on sale January 30th, and a full setlist will probably read like the song offerings on the Coyote Ugly karaoke bar playlist, so decide which of your friends is the sassiest and gets to do the finger point and the smug face on the multitude of pre-chorus “Nos” in “No Scrubs.” Oh, and remember to leave behind anyone who says that they’re a Jonathan not a Jordan, because they have had almost 30 years to grow out of being a Jonathan, so fuck that noise. [USA Today]
[Image via ABC]