An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 3! By The Numbers!)

Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.

On last night’s episode of “The Bachelor” — which was crashed by Jimmy Kimmel — so much happened (read: nothing really happened), I decided to break things down by the numbers. Speaking of numbers, show of hands for everyone who heard Amber say, “I don’t want  something warm and salty in my mouth” and immediately thought, Is she talking about goat milk or semen?” <RAISES HAND> Also, this episode needed way more Ashley S. Thank god she got a rose!