Confession: I Am A White Person Who Does Not Shower Every Day

“Glee”‘s Naya Rivera is in hot water over some comments she made on “The View” this week, about how showering more than once a day is a “white people thing.” Rivera and the hosts were discussing a recent study that says it’s actually better for your skin if you shower only once or twice every three days. After “View” co-host Nicole Wallace shared that she actually showers three times a day, Rivera remarked, “I think that white people shower a lot more than ethnics.” Then she defended her position, saying, “My mom is half black, half Puerto Rican. She showers every day so I can say this. But I’m now married to a white man. And he showers a lot, like two, three times a day.” Rivera, on the other hand, says her showering routine is “right on the mark” with the study’s recommendation. Still, her position that showering excessively is a “white people thing” and that people of color generally shower less angered a whole lot of people on Twitter, which I can understand, as it’s usually not a great idea to make such generalizations about whole swaths of people, especially with a sensitive issue like hygiene. Besides, while I can’t speak for “ethnics,” I can refute Rivera’s belief that white people are obsessed with showering based on one thing and one thing alone.

I am a white person. And I do not shower everyday.To be fair, while I appear presentable on the surface, I am actually sort of a grimy girl in general. I am barefoot all the time and have no qualms about walking to the office bathroom down the hall with no shoes on. I don’t always wash my face or brush my teeth before bed. I blow a mean snot rocket, though never in public (that’s just rude). I am fascinated by gross things, like the texture of certain bodily fluids. And, yeah, I don’t shower everyday. There are two primary reasons for this:

1. I’m lazy. Showering doesn’t involve just showering. It means having to do something about my wet hair, especially in the winter months where going outside with it soaking wet isn’t a great idea. Blow drying is such a massive time suck. I would rather sleep in another 30 minutes in the morning, or take my time drinking my coffee and reading Twitter.

2. It’s boring. I have ADHD and am happiest when I am multitasking. If someone would invent a mounted waterproof laptop, I would maybe be more inclined to shower every day, because at least I could watch YouTube videos while shaving my legs or blog while I wait for the deep conditioner to soak into my hair. There’s just so much other stuff I would rather do than stand in the shower. I do, however, love to take baths. I have mastered the art of living my best life in the bathtub. I can watch movies, drink wine, surf Instagram, talk on the phone and eat salad, all while soaking the stink off. Why do you think I am so successful?

So, on average how much do I shower? Like Naya, I am “right on the mark” with what the study suggests. I shower every other day during the work week, but will either slip in an extra shower or take a whore’s bath (ye olde undercarriage splash) if I’ve got somewhere special to be i.e. sitting on some dude’s face. On the weekends, if I’m doing my shut-in thing, I might not shower at all. And on vacation, especially somewhere tropical? Meh, I prefer to marinate in that salty, sandy, sweaty goodness for as long as possible.

So yeah. I am a white person who doesn’t not shower every day. And I’m proud of it! (The showering part, not the white person part.)

[Independent UK]