Professional Romancer Nicholas Sparks Loses At Romance, Separates From Wife

Nicholas Sparks, supposed romance expert and author of sappy, formulaic novels-turned-movies like “The Notebook” and “A Walk To Remember” is separating from his wife Cathy and thus has effectively failed at love. Dude, you had one job. The pair has been married for 25 years. They have five children, who am I super bummed out for and who will probably have zero faith in love after comparing their dad’s books to their parents’ actual fate. Sparks has raved about Cathy in the press over the years, claiming she served as inspiration for many of the female characters in his work (like Rachel McAdams’ character in “The Notebook” and Miley Cyrus’ in “The Last Song”) and that he knew within days of meeting her that he’d marry her. The two met on Sparks’ college spring break and sent each other over a hundred love letters during their first few months together. He told HuffPost Live in 2013 that he “married a woman who loves a lot” and that “every female character I’ve ever crafted is a lot like my wife. They’re intelligent and loyal, they’re funny. And most of all, they’re not wishy-washy women. They’re good, solid women.” Well, that changed abruptly.Sparks told People that the separation is “not a decision we’ve made lightly. We remain close friends with deep respect for each other and love for our children. For our children’s sake, we regard this as a private matter.” What the hell happened? The romance poster boy himself, who gets paid to spend all day thinking and writing about relationships, lost his own marriage while selling books about love enduring forever. Was there an affair? Did the pressure of the perfect couples in his books crush them? Midlife crisis? Maybe it’s the fact that he’s an alleged racist, anti-Semite and homophobe. Yup, that could definitely have something to do with it. So far, they clearly haven’t been able to take a cue from “The Wedding,” about a man’s quest and ultimate success in saving his doomed marriage, but perhaps the couple will play out a plot from one of his other novels.

Maybe they’ll get back together after several years and piles of unanswered letters. Maybe Cathy will rediscover herself on a beach retreat with a sexy older man and wild beach horses. Maybe the breakup is an epic performance act engineered to sell more books, or perhaps Sparks will use the split as inspiration for a thinly-veiled, resentment-filled novel of heartache and redemption. All I know is that they’d better come up with a damn creative movie choice for their breakup healing process, because there’s way too much emotional baggage for either of them to be watching “The Notebook” over ice cream like the rest of humankind. [Us Weekly] [Image via Getty]