An Ode To Skillet Cookies

Skillet cookies: The only cookies guaranteed – designed – to be warm when you eat them.

Skillet cookies: As good with ice cream as without. Take that, every other dessert. Skillet cookies render ice cream irrelevant.

Skillet cookies: Almost impossible to burn.

You know why they’re almost impossible to burn? BUTTER. Obviously. Skillet cookies have way more butter than regular cookies, because they’re baked in a goddamn skillet. Skillet cookies stand right on the line of being outright cookie gravy.

Skillet cookies are the greatest invention America has ever produced. Ever. There is nothing more American than a chocolate chip cookie with more butter than a normal chocolate chip cookie baked like a lazy person in a skillet and then also served in that skillet with ice cream.

Donuts are way too complicated to make to be truly American, no matter how much we Americanize the process of frying dough. American cakes are awesome but also easy to screw up, and frankly not as good as European tortes. Pie crust is deceptively hard to make well.

The process of making a skillet cookie has two steps. Two. That’s not German efficiency, that’s American corner-cutting. That’s someone saying, “I would really like to eat a large, warm cookie as quickly as humanly possible. I would like for it to stay warm for the duration of me eating it. How can I achieve this?” Skillet cookies are instant gratification.

You don’t even have to shape the cookie. It shapes itself. In a goddamn skillet.

You don’t have to worry about scraping off cookie crumbs that have burned onto a pan. There will be no sticking, because, again, butter. There will be no transferring to a cooling rack and then to a Tupperware container for storage. Skillet cookies are an all-in-one culinary experience. If you do not immediately eat the skillet cookie, it has lost its purpose.

When cookware was first invented in Mesopotamia, and when the cast iron skillet was introduced to consumers in the 19th century, the inventors didn’t know it at the time, but they were merely part of a great historical lineage leading up to the creation of the skillet cookie. Now that we have skillet cookies, every other use for cast iron skillets just seems kind of hollow.

Skillet cookies are the highest form of hedonism. You might have thought that having a twenty-seven-way orgy while shooting heroin into your eyeballs, buying everything from SkyMall in bulk, and eating gold-flecked steak out of a Birkin bag would be the height of hedonism, but it is not. If we’re talking pure self-indulgence, pure interest in pleasure, you can’t taint the experience with that level of anxiety-inducing risk. Skillet cookies are a low-risk way to achieve every pleasurable sensation possible at once. They’re warm, they smell good, they’re pleasingly efficient-looking, they’re sweet, they’re buttery, and they’re soft. If you’re eating a skillet cookie, you might as well be sleeping on a bed made of boobs. The chance of dying from skillet cookie is slim to none, but you will feel like you’re in heaven.

If you want a skillet cookie, here’s a recipe. Better yet, go treat yourself to a skillet cookie out. You deserve it, champ.

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