Beauty IRL: Suggested Beauty Routines For Probable New Year’s Eve Scenarios

You don’t have to go out on New Year’s. Everyone else is going to be stumbling around the city in sequined jumpsuits, consumed with the eternal quest for the best place to put on their 2015 glasses and grin wildly for the camera, as that big ball makes its inevitable descent in Times Square, so it doesn’t really matter if you’re asleep by 11:30. I am averse to crowds, and have a love-hate relationship with putting on fancy clothes for things that I consider to be non-events. I am a New Year’s Eve grump, through and through, though I have been convinced in the past to put on something nice and head out into the night. This year, I’m not feeling the weird pressure that I usually do to go out and spend a lot of money while wandering around from bar to bar looking for something that isn’t rib-crushingly crowded and full of douchebags. I’m content to spend the night in or to go out — wherever fate decides to take me, I’m good with it. And, I have a look ready for every option.

I am not here to tell you what to do on New Year’s Eve, but I am here to give you three potential scenarios for ushering in another rotation around the sun, and the beauty routines to go with them, if you choose to celebrate.

If you’re going to a big, super-fancy thing, like a masquerade ball, or something that for some reason has bottle service…

Maybe this is the year you’ve finagled an invite, or more likely, are being dragged against your will to something that is going to be A Thing. Maybe there is a weird soul dance party that you are going to pay $45 to attend with two other couples, because the thought of being alone on New Year’s this year felt weird. Or, maybe you actually like this holiday. Whatever. You’re going out! You’re doing it up! Common sense would dictate that you really go big with the beauty this year, and for once, I am not going to rail against the norm. Look at it this way — New Year’s Eve is the last celebratory hurrah before the dark cloak of winter slips over this great country and covers everything in horrible, stifling darkness and cold. So, act like this is your last night out (because it might be, until Memorial Day), and go nuts. This is the time for all the things that you’ve been hoarding on your after-work trips to Sephora: That bright purple lipstick that you haven’t worn to work, or that electric blue eyeliner you’ve been thinking about wearing but haven’t had the balls to use outside of your house. Hell, get a spray tan! Do it all. Put it all on your face. Go nuts. This is your once-a-year day.

If you’re going to a house party where you will possibly end up making out with a stranger in the coat closet.

So, the good news here is that you really don’t have to go nuts with your look. You can wear and do whatever you want, because you’re going to be in a safe space, with friends who love you whether or not you’ve decided to, say, erase your eyebrows with concealer and draw in new ones, or are wearing your favorite house sweatshirt, dressed up with a statement necklace or something, But, you never know. New Year’s Eve is like Halloween in that the potential for making out with a stranger is high. Crank up your regular look to 11. Bold lips! Winged eyeliner! False lashes! Whatever that is, make it so that you look awesome, and can spend a lot of time in a corner with friends, laughing throatily and tossing your hair back. Bonus — if the party is peppered with dudes you’ve boned in 2014, indulge the petty bitch that lives within and look as good as hell. Say hi to them from across the room, and then ignore them for the rest of the night. Or, talk to them like an adult. Whatever! It’s your day! New Years! WOOOT!

If you’re staying in and doing whatever the fuck you want.

This is the best way to spend the holidays. Any holiday. Trust me. We rarely get alone time, like 100 percent pure alone time, so treat this night as your night to do whatever it is you want. Make a bowl of popcorn, and eat all of it while watching “House of DVF” on demand. Eat the rest of your Christmas cookies and drink two beers and go to bed. Teach yourself nail art while watching the extremely-excellent Burt’s Bee’s documentary “Burt’s Buzz” while ignoring all the “OMG HAPPY NEWWWW YEAR” texts on your phone. Do it all while wearing this extremely-expensive-but-definitely-worth-it sheet mask. Wake up in 2015, refreshed, not hungover, and ready to face whatever the new year has to offer