Slow News Day Mystery: Why Is This Dude’s Autograph Selling On Ebay For $600?

Happy Boxing Day, everyone! What is Boxing Day, you ask? Apparently it is the day when I burn Eggo waffles, forget to click save while writing posts thereby losing all my hard work, people in England box up their presents, and the news is pretty boring except for former “Saved By The Bell” stars nearly knifing people and pictures of dicks that may or may not be attached to Usher.

So, I say we try to solve a MYSTERY. Hm? Sound like fun? I can be Jessica Fletcher and you can whatever fictional detective you like (although if you pick Detective Robert Goren or Benedict Cumberbatch-style Sherlock I might try to make out with you), and together we will solve a mystery that is really not at all that important.

ITEM: I just caught this eBay posting on the Not The Onion subreddit (it has since been removed). One autograph of one “Caleb A. Welde” for sale. Starting at $0.01, but with an asking price of $579.99, from seller “stormsummit.” Huh.

My first thought was, “Oh, maybe Caleb A. Welde is a sports person?” He is not a sports person. I Googled. Caleb A. Welde is not a famous person at all. In fact, the only thing a Google search on Caleb A. Welde turns up is this eBay listing. The only other thing this seller is selling is a pair of $279 men’s pants. MYSTERY.

Fine, sure. It is just some random guy, randomly selling his signature on eBay for a weird amount of money. It’s probably just some dumb internet prank. Maybe he got really drunk on Christmas and thought it was funny But whatever! It’s entertaining, and for some reason no one is ever getting at me to solve all the murder mysteries I should obviously be solving anyway. Caleb Welde is the only mystery I have to solve, and by gum, I’m gonna do it!

So I looked up simply “Caleb Welde.”

Google tells me that a “Caleb Welde” won an agribusiness photo contest in Wyoming for a picture of barbed wire, signed a petition about something regarding Latvian orphans, and once shared a nice photo of Glacier National Park on some website for sharing photos of National Parks.

Then, I noticed that on the first page of results, there was a Facebook post “liked” by Caleb Welde, from someone named Jonathan Welde, titled “The Dramatic Grand Tetons of Wyoming, as shot by Summit Photography!”

Oh shit. It’s all coming together now. The Facebook page of Summit Photography states that they are a business “specializing in landscape photography in Wyoming & Montana, Summit Photography seeks to explore and make known God’s spectacular creation.”

Summit Photography ……. STORMSUMMIT.

Mystery solved?

OK. So that was just about the easiest mystery I ever solved. But why? Why eBay? Why $579.99? I feel like people who use phrases like “God’s spectacular creation” don’t post eBay listings for the specific purpose of fucking with people. Doesn’t fit the profile, as they say on all the detective shows I watch. Perhaps this is a scheme to get his landscape photography noticed by the world? Was he specifically hoping that a bored ladyblogger would dedicate a significant portion of her afternoon to tracking him down? I don’t know.

I do know that there is a StormSummit on World of Warcraft, and a StormSummit looking for a room on some shady looking AirBnB type website. Maybe he is trying to earn money for his travels and for internet things? I would think he’d have a better chance at selling his photography than his autograph, but I could be wrong.

What say you, gumshoes?