Please Help Me Understand The Man Who Got $150K In Plastic Surgery To Look Like Kim Kardashian

…and yet looks nothing like Kim Kardashian and a whole lot like a swollen, blistered sphincter with Joan Crawford’s eyebrows (the later, William Castle films era of her career, to be specific). But that seems to be okay with Jordan James Parke, who told The Sun, “I laugh when people try to insult me by telling me I look plastic or fake. Do they think I’m going for the natural look? If I was, I’d ask for my money back.” Well, at least he’s owning it and I do think he has very beautiful eyes. (I felt like I needed to pay him a compliment after saying his face looks like a butthole with brows.) Parke has had over 50 cosmetic procedures in his quest to look like his idol, who he calls “the most gorgeous woman ever,” including eyebrow tattoos (you DON’T SAYYYYY), dental work, Botox, laser hair removal and, in case you couldn’t tell, fillers. Lots and lots and lots of fillers. I’m surprised there is not a fillers shortage, to be honest. His lips look like they are going to explode and lip meat is going to come oozing out. Eww, I just said lip meat. I apologize. Read more about Parke and his asshole-like lips at the link. [The Sun]