24 All Too Common Beauty Hazards Of Winter Weather

As far as I’m concerned, the winter is good for nothing except hibernation and Netflix marathons. Besides, why would you leave the house when your skin is cracking, your lips are chapped and your leg hair won’t stop growing? Ain’t nobody got time for that. But unfortunately, life goes on, and we’re forced to face the harsh realities of the cold, including these common beauty problems that plague us all each and every winter.

1. Chapped Lips: The mistletoe asked you to please step aside.

2. Cracked Knuckles: Just like your great Uncle Merv.

3. Dandruff: Is it snowing outside? No? Oh.

4. Highlights Fading: You’ve got more roots than an overturned Christmas tree.

5. Gnarly Feet: Never EVER take off your socks, because you will scare the children.

6. Runny Mascara: It’s cold out, your eyes watered, and now you look like a scary doll.

7. Dry Elbows: You should probably invest in some cocoa butter.

8. Dry Skin: Your entire body is just one giant scale.

9. Static Hair: We call it “Electrocution Chic.”

10. Prickly Legs: No matter how often you shave, your hair comes back immediately.

11. Sweat: Too many layers of clothing will give you pit stains.

12. Cakey Lipstick: Your lips are dry, your lipstick is thick, and it’s starting to feather.

13. Blush Looking Overdone: You’re naturally flushed, so now you look like a clown.

14. Dry Cuticles: I just bite mine off, because if I don’t they will cut someone.

15. Your Concealer Doesn’t Match Anymore: You’re caucasian, but under your eyes, you’re Brazilian.

16. Chronic Red Nose: Rudolph was never a Cover Girl for a reason.

17. Pale Skin: It highlights your pimples beautifully.

18. Makeup Cakes In Wrinkles: You look like Grandmother Willow from “Pocahontas.”

19. Shaving Pains: Your razor actually burns your skin.

20. Everything Itches: Fuck your fleece. Fuck your wool. Fuck your cotton.

21. Sallow Skin: Trendy dark makeup makes you look like a vampire.

22. Money For Moisturizer: Who can afford Christmas presents when you’ve bought Sephora out of house and home?

23. No Sleep: It’s dark all the time, you can’t sleep and look like hell in a handbag.

24. Dark Facial Hair: All of a sudden you have sideburns and a mustache that you didn’t have a month ago. Such is life!