Playground Forbids Images Of Winnie The Pooh, Calls Him A Pantless “Hermaphrodite”

There are so many important issues going on in the world today, which is why it pains me to report that some people in Poland are up in arms about the sexual habits of one beloved Winnie The Pooh.

Local counselors in the town of Tuszyn, Poland have been tasked with assigning a public face to a new local playground, when someone suggested Winnie The Pooh. The character was rejected by officials after being deemed “horribly inappropriate for children.” Um … come again?

According to the tapes of a leaked meeting about the issue, one official is heard saying, “It doesn’t wear underpants because it doesn’t have sex. It’s a hermaphrodite.”

The following reasons are why the aforementioned statement is stupid and offensive:

1. “Hermaphrodite” is not the preferred term, for starters. “Intersex” is, because “hermaphrodite” is misleading and stigmatizing.

2. People who are intersex has both male and female reproductive organs. Not neither. Get your facts straight.

3. Believe it or not, people who are intersex actually do wear pants. They don’t just walk around with their private parts swinging around.

4. Newsflash: Intersex people also have sex.

5. But why would you want the character who’s the face of the playground have to have sex? That’s just creepy.

6. No real animals wear clothing. Have you ever seen a deer prancing around your backyard in a hoodie? No.

And lastly,

7. Lots of beloved children’s characters don’t wear pants: Porky Pig, Donald Duck, Chip & Dale, The Pillsbury Doughboy, Alvin and the Chipmunks, and the list goes on. Does this mean they’re all “hermaphrodites” too? Right, they must be.

Even better, once the official made this absurd statement, Councillor Hanna Jachimska than began criticizing Winnie The Pooh’s author, A.A. Milne, and said “This is very disturbing but you can imagine! The author was over 60 and cut his [Pooh’s] testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity.”

Oooookay, lady. I’m sure all of the little children who live in Tuszyn are also looking to inspect the biological and gender identity complexities of Winnie The Pooh. I actually also heard he has a raging honey addiction, so we should probably keep him far away from the children. [Happy Place]

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