Dater XY: How To Deal With Dating Fatigue
Dating. It’s a hard knock life.
You start out excited about the possibilities and hit the ground running. This excitement eventually fades to fatigue as you continue to go out with new individuals with the same result, time after time. Once you get to this point, it’s important to take a timeout and rejuvenate. If you don’t, you’ll end up either A) going out with someone you know you’re not compatible with or B) meet someone who’s a great match, but be unwilling to put in the effort to make a relationship work.
This is where I am at right now. I’m tired of having the same conversations about likes/dislikes. I’m tired of not seeing some of my friends as much as I’d like to (my fault there and no one else’s). Tired of attempting to come up with unique date ideas. Hell, I’m tired of spending money. This is not a good place to be in while dating.
This doesn’t mean I’ve sworn off dating right now or that I’ve taken down my OKCupid profile, but I’m not actively seeking dates. I’m trying to focus on other aspects of my life. Finishing, for the love of all things holy, my graduate thesis. Going to concerts with friends, watching copious amounts of hockey and writing songs again. Shifting my priorities and finding balancing in my life by focusing on things that make me happy will help to recharge me for venturing back into the dating pool when I decide I’m ready.
It would be fitting then that last weekend, The Teacher messaged me for the first time in four scores and seven years (exaggeration, obviously). Our mutual favorite show was returning to HBO soon and she “wanted to know if I was excited.” I put that in quotations because I knew, or at least assumed, that what she really wanted was to sleep together.
Given that I had decided to take a break from the dating world, I responded. Shortly afterwards she asked me over with the promise of free wine and my favorite pizza. Knowing damn well what I was getting into, I accepted.
When I first got to her place, things were awkward. Both of us were, figuratively at this point at least, trying to feel each other out with long pauses in between questions and catching up about each other’s lives. Eventually, we went into her room to “look at a few pictures” and before I knew it, clothes were off and we had the same great sex we always had. Having learned from before, I used the (real) excuse of traveling for work the next day to leave quickly after we were finished.
So am I happy or sad with my choice? I’d probably just say satisfied. I know for the long-term, communicating with The Teacher won’t do me any good. But I recognized what this was and took advantage of it while I was taking a break from the stresses of trying to find the kind of relationship I’m really looking for.
I have no plans to contact The Teacher again and that I am happy with.