This Month In Boobs: An Extremely Resourceful Woman Used Her Breast Milk To Rob A Pharmacy

A woman in Germany robbed a pharmacy by squirting breast milk into the cashier’s eye, taking cash from the till, and running off.

Again: A woman in Germany robbed a pharmacy by squirting breast milk into the cashier’s eye, taking cash from the till, and running off.

This is obviously the best boob-related news item in recent history, beating out even Tri-Boob. There’s so much to love about it — I mean, just picture in your head being at Walgreens. You’re waiting in line to pick up your prescription. The woman ahead of you is ostensibly buying a breast pump. You happen to glance up from your phone just as the woman takes her boob out of her shirt, aims it at the cashier, and squeezes breast milk into his or her face. Boob still out, she grabs $100 (it was Euros, obviously, but work with me here) from the cash register, then bolts, resettling her boob into her shirt as she runs out the door. She leaves the breast pump on the counter.

She was also “speaking a language no one could identify,” and by that I hope they mean “speaking in tongues,” because it would just add a Beckett-esque level of absurdity that would really crystallize the whole thing.

There’s obviously only one appropriate gif for this story:

“Weaponized breast milk.” I can’t even.

[Consumerist]

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