Dater XY: How Long Will This Sexual Hangover Last?

Last Wednesday, The Chewer called to ask if I’d like to go on another date this weekend. I had been leaning against the “post-sex guilt” date but decided a short walk around the park and coffee wouldn’t kill me on a nice fall day.

As we walked around the park the usual awkward silence was intermixed with the occasional question and answer. Not wanting to waste anymore of each other’s time, I suggested we sit down on a bench and talk. Without missing a beat, The Chewer asked, “You don’t want to see me anymore, do you?”

Slightly taken aback by her coming right out and saying it, I responded, “No, I don’t. I don’t feel much of a connection and think we’d be better off seeing other people.” With that being said, we wished each other the best of luck, hugged, and went our separate ways.

On my way back to my flat, I got to thinking about one of the things that I first noticed in why we might not work together — sexual chemistry. Like everyone else, I’ve had my ups and downs in this department. With some, like The Chewer, there is no hope. That doesn’t necessarily mean she was bad in bed, but just that we didn’t work together that well.

With others, with practice comes good performance. You learn what each other like and when to switch things up. It’s not often, though, that we find ourselves having mind-blowing sex off the bat. With The Teacher, though, I was. It was incredible.

It’s been a little over two months since I asked The Teacher on where we stood and I can honestly say, I’m emotionally over her. Physically and sexually though, I’m not so sure. It’s not that I constantly think about her that way or thought about her when I was having sex with The Chewer necessarily, but that a large amount of my lack of sexual chemistry with The Chewer is based on a “sexual hangover.” I don’t want to compare any other sex to the sex I had with The Teacher, but it’s kind of hard not to, at least so soon after having it.

When things ended with The Teacher, I never said I was swearing to a life of celibacy; only that I wanted something more. Or that with The Doctor, that sex wasn’t important; only that I place a higher value on fun, which I wasn’t having with The Doctor. And all of this remains true. I do want something more in a relationship and I want it to be fun, but I also want a satisfying sexual connection of well.

So now find myself wondering how long this “sexual hangover” will last. After a hard landing, heh, will my expectations be reset? How much longer will it take to not be haunted by Ghosts of Teachers past?

I’m not sure. Emotionally, I am ready to move on. So maybe the solution is simply to wait a little bit longer before I have sex. Wait for the emotional chemistry to develop first. And once that is there, I will have a stronger foundation for other aspects of our relationship, including sexual chemistry, to grow out of.