Things I Would Rather Eat Than A Burger-Stuffed Doughnut

What is wrong with Philadelphia? Philly burger restaurant PYT has introduced this monstrosity called the D’oh Nut Burger, which is a glazed yeast doughnut stuffed with burger and cheese and topped with bacon and I want to die. OK, OK, Philly cuisine isn’t all bad — I never want to partake in a cheesesteak personally, but if soft pretzels came from Philly it can’t be all bad.

Nonetheless, here are things I would rather eat than this burger:

  • The rest of PYT’s menu. In one sitting. And that includes some lobster-and-crab creation, despite the fact that I think crustaceans are the insects of the sea and almost vommed the last time I ate fish. (I’m not allergic, it’s just gross.)
  • An actual insect, but just one, and cooked.
  • A sandwich in a can.
  • Straight lard.
  • The ingredients of the D’oh Nut Burger, separately.
  • Fried Kool-Aid.
  • A Big Mac. It’s been 15 years.
  • Two pounds of Velveeta (the fuck is that shit anyway?)

However, I will say that I’m glad that this is coming from a burger restaurant and not a doughnut place, because the doughnut craze could go the way of the dodo at this point and I’d be fine with it. Up with burger innovation, down with doughnuts filled with weird stuff!


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