“Health Goth” Is A Thing; I Have Ideas For Other Subculture-Related Fitness Trends

Apparently “Health Goth” is something that I’ve kind of been doing without realizing it, because it basically consists of having a background in musical subcultures and wearing head-to-toe black when you work out. Cool beans! I hope I get a pass for the color of my shoes, though; I just wear whatever isn’t going to break my feet, regardless of their color. (Is Health Rainbow Goth a thing?)

A few thoughts: First, do you have to listen to goth metal or industrial goth to be Health Goth, or can you listen to goth as in The Cure and Echo and the Bunnymen? Second, I’m pretty sure most lifting gyms play “aggressive” music most of the time anyway (much to my chagrin). Third, I do not endorse statements like “No one wants to see a Grover belly poking through your Under Armour compression shirt” (from HealthGoth.com founder Johnny Love), especially in subcultures. Come on, man, the kids already get enough flack for being weirdos, don’t give them in-scene pressure about their bodies, too. Yeuch.

Some ideas I have for other subculture-related fitness trends:

  • Health Straightedge: It’s like paleo if you also couldn’t eat meat.

  • Health Punk: Try sweating with gelatin in your mohawk! I mean, we do it in mosh pits anyway, right?

  • Health New Wave: Don’t forget your waterproof mascara, guys! And make sure to stock up on headbands to get your hair out of your face.

  • Health Shoegazer: In which no one says anything to anyone and everyone just spends a really long time walking slowly on the treadmill.

  • Health Emo: Basically Health Goth with more duckface selfies and Manic Panic.

  • Health Ska: Everyone just skanks really hard and really fast for an hour at a time.

Well, anyway, I hope Health Goth is helping people to live happier lives or whatever, regardless of some kind of gross rhetoric about body image. I so would’ve been behind this if it hadn’t included some incredibly mainstream sentiments about body fat.

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[Photo via HealthGoth.com]

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