NY Post Declares That Hot “Celesbians” Are Totally On Trend

GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! Lesbians are news! Look, lesbians! They’re hot lesbians, too! Isn’t it amazing that they’re hot?! I never would have dreamed that such a thing exists! Oh my god! They’re celebrities too! They’re celebrity lesbians! They’re celesbians! They’re HOT celesbians! Did hot lesbians even EXIST before celebrities?! I BET NOT!!!!

OK, OK, maybe I’m being unfair. The article does include a fairly substantive conversation about the male gaze. Heather Hogan from afterellen.com discusses the idea that lesbians are more culturally appealing to the mainstream than gay men because straight men feel like they can have some sort of participation in lesbian sexuality, “Which says more about the men in our culture feeling like they own all female sexuality more than anything else.”

At the same time, when you write about hot celebrity lesbians with the same language that you use to write about the fall’s hottest new fashion trends, what does that say about your publication’s attitude toward lesbians and their humanity? I’m personally not going to even use the Post’s ridiculous condensation of the words “celebrity” and “lesbian” — celebrity lesbians are actually not an anomaly that deserves its own twee new word. And why does it matter that they’re hot? Why is it more important that Carrie Brownstein and St. Vincent are an item than that Rosie O’Donnell, Sandra Bernhard, Wanda Sykes, KD Lang, and Jane Lynch have been out for years, many of them when it was actually professionally risky to be out?

In other words, do we really have to normalize female homosexuality by subjecting it to men’s aesthetic standards for women? Oh, hurrah, Samira Wiley and Ireland Baldwin are acceptably thin and feminine, now we can accept their sexuality as normal. Because regardless of what their sexual orientation is and who they want to appeal to in their personal lives, what matters is that men would totally do them, which brings us right back to Heather Hogan’s quote, except now we’re talking about the language of the very article in which she was quoted.

I’M DONE. I CANNOT. I AM NOT ABLE.

[NY Post]

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