Martha Stewart Shades Gwyneth Paltrow So Hard, We’ll Never See Anything Like It Again

All hail, Martha Stewart, The Queen Of Shade. In what has to be the Haley’s Comet of Shades, for it is rare to witness a shade this spectacular, Martha used her magazine, Martha Stewart Living, to troll the organic, locally-grown, macrobiotic shit out of Gwyneth Paltrow. The latest issue of the magazine features a story called “Conscious Coupling” all about pies — the title a direct reference to Gwyneth’s “conscious uncoupling” from ex Chris Martin — which includes the following descriptive text:

Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.

See what Martha did there? She both made fun of Gwyneth Paltrow and took a serious stab at her failed marriage. It’s possibly the cuntiest thing I’ve ever seen written in print and I LOVE IT. Gwyneth, your move. Just kidding, don’t bother. [The Superficial]