10 WTF Things Susan G. Komen Should Pinkify For Breast Cancer Awareness (Ranked!)

To be clear, raising money to increase awareness and find a cure for breast cancer is a great, important thing. But Susan G. Komen For The Cure, which lost all of my support when they pulled funding from Planned Parenthood, even though the women’s health organization provides vital breast cancer screenings to low-income women, continues to go to ridiculously gross lengths to pinkify the cause. As if pink handguns weren’t enough, Komen has teamed up with Baker Hughes, a major drilling services company involved in fracking, to make 1,000 pink drill bits, which Baker Hughes says is them “doing our ‘bit’ for the cure.” GET IT?! A Komen spokesperson explained the partnership “grew from Baker Hughes’ involvement in our Houston Race for the Cure” and that “the evidence to this point does not establish a connection between fracking and breast cancer.” [Salon]

This makes me want to dry heave. Destroy the environment FOR THE CURE! Carry pink weapons FOR THE CURE! Seriously, what will Susan G. Komen pinkify next? Because I have some ideas, ranked from bad to worst…10. Pink exhaust pipes … for. the. cure.

9. Pink diet pills … for the cuuuuureeeee!

8. Pink douche … for the cure.

7. Pink high fructose corn syrup … FOR THE CUREEEEEE

6. Pink razor blades … for the cuuuurrrreeeeeee…

5. Pink packets of refined white sugar … for the … cure?

4. Pink styrofoam cups … for the cure.

3. Pink hand grenades … for the cure?

2. Pink cigarettes … for the cure!

1. Pink roofies. For. The. CURE.