Dater XY: Did Chemistry Ghost Us?

They come few and far between but we all have them. You know, those first dates that make you think, Wow, is this the one? I had one of these dates last Tuesday with The Lawyer.

We met at my favorite watering hole and jazz club for drinks. We arrived at exactly the same time, an obvious omen of good things to come. Continuing on the good omen train, while looking over the wine menu, we found out that Malbecs are our favorite type of wine.

From there, we talked about the not so usual first date things that would normally only come up once you’re comfortable with someone. First up, which SCOTUS judge would you clerk for if you could choose and what our favorite cases were. Next was our shared love of “Planet Earth” and wishing David Attenborough would narrate our lives. Eventually we got to the fun. We discussed where we had traveled and future plans. Where we liked to go for live music during the week, trivia, and dancing. Randomly, it was brought up that her best friend was male so I told her about mine being female.

All in all, things were going great and four hours flew by. Because it was a work night, we decided to call it a night and I walked her back to her car. Unlike with the Marathoner, there wasn’t any kind of apprehension when we kissed. I’m not particularly sure how long we kissed for, but it ended, somewhat blushingly, when a polite cabbie quietly informed us we were blocking the road. We said our goodnights, shared one last kiss and scheduled our next date for two days later, last Thursday.

It could not have come quick enough and I was eager to see her again given how great our first date had gone. We met at the same jazz club but opted for to have dinner instead of just drinks. This time things were different. The chemistry we had just two days before was … gone. Time didn’t drag on but it didn’t fly by either. The date was pleasant enough given the complete and utter lack of chemistry this go around but a far cry from what both of us most likely expected.

At the end of the date, I walked her back to her flat and we kissed goodnight. There still wasn’t any apprehension to the kiss, but unlike last time, we didn’t need a cabbie to tell us to cut it out either.

Though unspoken, we were both clearly unsure if we wanted to plan for a third date. On the one hand, we had absolutely amazing chemistry on the first date and seemed like a perfect match. On the other hand, we just had a date that, while not horrible, lacked that very same chemistry that made the first date so great.

In the end, I opted to ask The Lawyer out on a third date to see if our chemistry would be back from sick leave. She said yes so we parted ways wondering what had happened. The next night, I got a call from The Lawyer saying it was nice having met me but that she thought we should see other people. I was appreciative that she called and told her I enjoyed meeting her and agreed.

It’s rare when you have one of those dates when everything seems to fall in line. And then to have the next date and there be nothing. Disappointing, to say the least. How can chemistry just up and disappear like that so quickly? Or was it really even there to start? In the end, chalk this up to a lesson in not getting your hopes up too quickly as sometimes, chemistry can ghost you too.