Size Does Matter: “Fifty Shades Of Grey” Wine Just Got Bigger And Better

Warning: I will try and refrain from making continuous size and girth puns while writing this post.

“Fifty Shades Of Grey” wine has been on the market for a few years now, but E.L. James, the author of the book series, has upped the ante for those of us who fancy a … bigger specimen. Now, E.L.’s very own Red Satin blend, inspired by the romance and passion between the trilogy’s main characters, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, will be offered in a limited edition, 3-liter bottle. Equal in volume to four standard wine bottles, the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Red Satin Collector’s Edition includes a hand-engraved bottle painted by artisans in Napa Valley, California, and is hand-dipped in a red hot wax seal. FANCY.

The bottle was originally created as a gift for E.L. following her time with the winemaking team, with whom she assisted in blending the booze. She loved the wine so much, she’s making it available all of her horny fans! Just in time for the holidays, the “Fifty Shades Of Grey” Red Satin Collector’s Edition is available to order for the first 250 U.S. purchasers between now and September 30, 2014. All orders will ship by December 15.

This way, when the movie comes out on Valentine’s Day, you’ll already be prepared to see super-sized versions of delicious things we want in our mouths. I’M SORRY, I HAD TO.