Dater X: I Think I’m Ready For A Friend With Benefits

I’ve had a high sex drive since I was a teenager. Over the last 14 years, whether single or coupled up, I’ve been fortunate enough to never really go ‘sexless.’ In relationships— whether they last three months or three years— my libido generally maintains the momentum of that of the Energizer Bunny. I certainly don’t have a sex addiction, but it’s safe to say I am, and always have been, a pleasure enthusiast. So, when I’m single, that desire remains the same, but I tend to get my O’s from the sex toys that reside in a toolbox under my bed, as opposed to an actual human being. I think it might be time to change that.

Since I lost my virginity at age 14 (yes, I was young, and no, I don’t regret it), the longest I’ve gone without doing the deed has been six, maybe eight months max. Many of those years were spent learning about what I sexually like and dislike, and acquainting myself with my own body. Over that time period, guys came and went (pun totally intended), and it became very clear to me that as much as I love hooking up, I’m not really capable of compartmentalizing the physical connection from the emotional one. In most cases, I can’t just have sex with someone, part ways and call it a day. I have plenty of friends who are able to sleep with people — friends even — and then go to brunch with them the next morning, say goodbye and leave satisfied, knowing they came the night before. I’ve tried the whole friends with benefits thing in the past and it’s ended one of two ways: either I become emotionally attached or the other person does. In a nutshell, it’s never really been my cup of tea.

Now that I’m single again, everybody’s saying it’s important for me to do “whatever it is that makes you happy.” If dating makes you happy, go on dates! If focusing on your career makes you happy, throw yourself into work! If you want to write a book, start an Etsy store and sleep with all of the men within a 10-block radius, DO IT. Now, I will admit that I’m working on being the happiest single woman I can be. I’m not closed off to new opportunities, but not on a bloodhound hunt for a husband either. So for the first time in years, I’m contemplating the idea of a fuck buddy… and I have a certain someone in mind.

Years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to her now-husband’s childhood pal, a sexy fireman with a crooked smile and eyes that screamed “do meeeeeeee.” We shall call him Do Me Eyes. Anyway, I was warned that Do Me Eyes was a bit of a ladies’ man, and that he was probably better suited for a hookup than a relationship. “He’s a great guy, super fun and smart, but he’s not the settling down type,” I was told. We’ll see…, I thought. We all went out that night and shared a drunken evening of debauchery, dancing and laughs, which was then followed by a sleepover at Do Me Eyes’ apartment. Horny and drunk, I somehow maintained my stance that I shouldn’t sleep with him and that we’d have to resort to other fun activities, so we did (and he was very generous). The next morning, he cooked me a full breakfast and brought it to me in bed. We never lost touch, chatting back and forth every once in a while, and seeing each other at various functions for mutual friends. There was always this undeniable sexual magnetism that drew us to each other, even in crowded rooms full of other attractive people. He’d always ask if I was seeing anyone, and if I was, I’d stay away. If I wasn’t, we would hook up— never sex, but all kinds of other wonderful things. He’s fun, charming, easy on the eyes and knows my body like the back of his hand. He was never quick to kick me out, judge me or act like an asshole after our rendezvous.

Last week, Do Me Eyes reached out to say hi, and the usual back-and-forth flirting commenced. After a few days of texting and silly Snapchats, he asked if he could take me out to dinner for my upcoming birthday. I agreed, pleasantly surprised, and wondered if this was a date or if he was just looking to have, ahem, dessert AFTER dinner. I thought about it, and realized that I think … maybe … I would be okay with either. Knowing that Do Me Eyes has a reputation as a panty-dropper, I’m not so sure I would even get attached to him if we slept together, like I do with most of the guys I’m dating/sleeping with. I want a relationship, and I don’t think I would let a few fun nights of no strings attached sex with Do Me Eyes get in the way of that if something promising came along. Our relationship would strictly be one of FWB. And on the slight chance Do Me Eyes is done sowing his wild oats and really does want to see where things go by taking me out, I’m not so sure I would be opposed to that either. It’s hard to turn down dinner with good company, birthday cake and what’s bound to be mind-blowing sex with one of New York’s finest. This, I think, will “make me happy.” At least for now.

Thinking about finding a fuck buddy? Here are some tips: